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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with the problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with the problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 2
In today's world, there is an overwhelming stress on the health sector in a bid to curb the obesity associated health challenges. Others, however, consider that the emphasis should be on introducing more lessons on physical education the school scheme of work. In my opinion, more physical education lessons will make students more knowledgeable about BMI and increase the quality of life. One reason why more physical education lessons should be introduced is that students become more aware of their BMI. By this, they get to know if they're underweight, of average weight or overweight in relations to their height. You cannot change what you do not know, so knowing their BMI will help them take reasonable steps towards achieving the ideal weight. Another useful reason of physical education is that exercises are natural. Engaging in exercises to lose weight have no side effects unlike undergoing cosmetic surgeries like liposuction. In the year 2005, the then first lady of Nigeria died from complications resulting from liposuction. During physical exercises, the individual gets rid of excess calories by sweating. This does not put the person in harm's way. Finally, exercises increases the quality of life. Researches have shown that people with ideal weight live more productive and healthier lives. For instance, obess people at a risk of some health challenges like cardiovascular accidents, which ordinarily can be prevented by regular physical activities and burning of calories. In conclusion, exercise is the most effective way to tackle the menance of obesity in the health sector, as it poses no harm and it improves the quality of life of individuals.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, there is an overwhelming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
sector in a bid to curb the obesity associated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
challenges. Others,
however
, consider that the emphasis should be on introducing more lessons on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
the school scheme of work. In my opinion, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
lessons will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
students more knowledgeable about BMI and increase the quality of life.

One reason why more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
lessons should
be introduced
is that students become more aware of their BMI. By this, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know if they're underweight, of average weight or overweight in relations to their height. You cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
what you do not know,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
knowing their BMI will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them take reasonable steps towards achieving the ideal weight.

Another useful reason of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
are natural. Engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
to lose weight have no side effects unlike undergoing cosmetic surgeries like liposuction. In the year 2005, the then
first
lady of Nigeria
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
from complications resulting from liposuction. During
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
, the individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
rid of excess calories by sweating. This does not put the person in harm's way.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
increases the quality of life. Researches have shown that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with ideal weight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more productive and healthier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
obess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
challenges like cardiovascular accidents, which
ordinarily
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities and burning of calories.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is the most effective way to tackle the
Possible spelling mistake found.
menance
of obesity in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
sector, as it poses no harm and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the quality of life of individuals.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS essay The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with the problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
267 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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