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Professional athletes in popular sports such as football and basketball are paid millions of dollars. Some people believe this is unfair, especially since other professions, such as nurses and primary teachers are paid such low salaries. To what extent do you agree that professional athletes are overpaid？ v.1

Professional athletes in popular sports such as football and basketball are paid millions of dollars. Some people believe this is unfair, especially since other professions, such as nurses and primary teachers are paid such low salaries. 1
In my opinion, professional athletes such as football and basketball are not overpaid. Well, they might make lots of money, but the truth is, most professional athletes don’t have long careers, and also come with a lot of risks that may hurt their bodies. Firstly, the main reason I think that professional athletes are not overpaid is their short careers. For example, professional athletes such as basketball and football, their “golden career age” are around 12 years. They are making money in really short times, not like other professions such as teachers or doctors. Secondly, professional athletes have really high risk to hurt or break their bodies. They are in strong competitions with lots of limb collision. Means, of course, easily get harmed. When they are getting harmed, fortunate athletes may just rest for a couple of weeks, but some unfortunate athletes will end their athletic career immediately. For example, some well-known basketball players such as Yao-Ming, Rose and Tracy McGrady, these players will have bright careers if they are not get harmed, but they do, and can’t play basketball anymore. Thirdly, fans. All professional athletes have fans, their “high salaries” have a count of a large part from their fans. As long as the fans keep supporting their favourite teams, their favourite athletics, the professional athletes will not have a low salary. To sum up, combine the following points, I don’t think professional athletes are overpaid, they paid a lot to reach their achievements, they are presenting their never-give-up spirits to everyone who watched their games. They worth it.
In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
such as football and
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basketball
are not overpaid. Well, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
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lots
of money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the truth is, most
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professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
don’t have long
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careers
, and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with a
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lot
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
that may hurt their bodies.

Firstly
, the main reason I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are not overpaid is their short
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careers
.
For example
,
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professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
such as
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basketball
and football, their “golden
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career
age” are around 12 years. They are making money in
really
short times, not like other professions such as teachers or doctors.

Secondly
,
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professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
have
really
high
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risk
to hurt or break their bodies. They are in strong competitions with
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lots
of limb collision. Means,
of course
,
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
harmed. When they are getting harmed, fortunate
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athletes
may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
rest for a couple of weeks,
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but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unfortunate
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athletes
will
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end
their athletic
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career
immediately.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
well-known
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basketball
players such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yao-Ming
, Rose and Tracy
Possible spelling mistake found.
McGrady
, these players will have bright
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careers
if they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
harmed,
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but
they do, and can’t play
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basketball
anymore.

Thirdly
, fans. All
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professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
have fans, their “high salaries” have a count of a large part from their fans. As long as the fans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
supporting their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
teams, their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
athletics, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
will not have a low salary.

To sum up, combine the following points, I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are overpaid, they paid a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
to reach their achievements, they are presenting their never-give-up spirits to everyone who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
their games. They worth it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Professional athletes in popular sports such as football and basketball are paid millions of dollars. Some people believe this is unfair, especially since other professions, such as nurses and primary teachers are paid such low salaries. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
260 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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