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Today, some employees are not sociable with colleagues in their workplace and they have difficulties in their teams. What are reasons of this, and what measures can be suggested? v.2

Today, some employees are not sociable with colleagues in their workplace and they have difficulties in their teams. What are reasons of this, and what measures can be suggested? v. 2
Socializing with others is playing a significant role in society. However, there are some people who feel difficulty in socialization. This must be improved and proper solutions should be applied. In this essay, I will analyze the phenomenon caused by biology and sociology and discuss ways to help reduce this concern. To begin with, we sometimes can see everywhere the person who doesn' t get along with others well. Normally, they tend to not show their feelings and like to stay alone. There are several reasons why they do. First of all, a human' s character is decided by nature. According to the BBC, people can know what kind of characters babies have when they were in the womb by observing how babies act in mother. Another reason is the lack of learning social skills in home or schools. Sociality is raised dramatically between 3 and 9 years old by researchers. If people are not blended with others during this period, it can be caused lack of sociality. So for these reasons, the person who has an introverted mind feels difficulty to talk to others easily. However, there are a couple of methods to tackle such concerns, one of them to combat the problem is providing children team-skills in school. Some people insist that school is one of the best place where children can learn how to harmonize with other people. Team sport activity is a good example of this. As children play sports activities with other children, they naturally acqire how to co-operate and considerate other people. Moreover, members of team should pay attention with sense of community to the person who is not sociable. To improve their performance, it is important to work together as taking the same boat. Especially, team leader should take care of each member to achieve their goals. In conclusion, as stated above, there are several challenges and solutions. Although it is not easy to find out the right answer, it is desirable for people and a community involved to cooperate with each other to battle this concern.
Socializing with others is playing a significant role in society.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
feel difficulty in socialization. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
and proper solutions should
be applied
. In this essay, I will analyze the phenomenon caused by biology and sociology and discuss ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this concern.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
everywhere the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with others well.
Normally
, they tend to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their feelings and like to stay alone. There are several reasons why they do.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
human&
#039; s character
is decided
by nature. According to the BBC,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can know what kind of characters babies have when they were in the womb by observing how babies act in mother. Another reason is the lack of learning social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in home or schools.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sociality
is raised
dramatically
between 3 and 9 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
by researchers. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not blended with others during this period, it can
be caused
lack of
Possible spelling mistake found.
sociality
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
for these reasons, the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has an introverted mind feels difficulty to talk to others
easily
.

However
, there are a couple of methods to tackle such concerns, one of them to combat the problem is providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
team-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
insist that school is one of the best place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn how to harmonize with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Team sport activity is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play sports activities with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they
naturally
Possible spelling mistake found.
acqire
how to co-operate and considerate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, members of team should pay attention with sense of community to the person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is not sociable. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their performance, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to work together as taking the same boat.
Especially
, team leader should take care of each member to achieve their goals.

In conclusion
, as stated above, there are several challenges and solutions. Although it is not easy to find out the right answer, it is desirable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and a community involved to
Do not mix variants of the same word ('cooperate' and 'co-operate') within a single text.
cooperate
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to battle this concern.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, some employees are not sociable with colleagues in their workplace and they have difficulties in their teams. What are reasons of this, and what measures can be suggested? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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