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1. Some people believe that studying at university or college is a route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discus both views. v.2

1. Some people believe that studying at university or college is a route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discus both views. v. 2
Nowadays, an increasing number of people concerned about that learning at university or college is a short way to a high-income work. Meanwhile, someone think that student should be get a job after graduated high school is a better opinion. On the one hand, working straight after graduation is beneficial in some ways. Firstly, student graduated high school who can have a job will earn money to their living. They can buy all of things they need or they like and they will be able to live independently on their own income. Moreover, it is clean that they can go out and enrich their and broaden horizon about over the world. For example, they can have a travel to some different countries and meet someone who has the same their ways. This travels will improve their experience not only about world but also open new chance for them. On the other hand, there are several reasons why people tend to choose to continue their education after high school. Firstly, in university, student can appreciate their knowledge about their major and they to meet higher-level qualifications, which is what most employed expect these days. University graduates usually get a much higher salary than those without university education. Secondly, they can have chance to get scholarship to over-sea. They able to go to other countries which have better education and they will have a new life. In conclusion, I think that go to university, college or go job straight after school depend on their own perspective. People need to respect their determination.
Nowadays, an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
concerned about that learning at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or college is a short way to a high-income work. Meanwhile, someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "thinks", "thought".
think
that student should be
Did you mean "got", "gotten"?
get
a job after
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduated from".
graduated
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a better opinion.

On the one hand, working straight after graduation is beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways.
Firstly
, student
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduated from".
graduated
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
who can have a job will earn money to their living. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Consider using "all things" or "all of the things".
all of things
they
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
need or
they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
like and
they will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independently
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
income.
Moreover
, it is clean that they can go out and enrich their and broaden horizon about over the world.
For example
, they can have
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "travel".
a travel
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
someone who has the same their ways. This travels will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their experience not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
open new chance for them.

On the other hand
, there are several reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to choose to continue their education after high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Firstly
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, student can appreciate their knowledge about their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
major and
they to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
higher-level qualifications, which is what most employed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
these days.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
graduates
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a much higher salary than those without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education.
Secondly
, they can have chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
scholarship to over-sea.
Did you mean "They are" or "They were"?
They
able to go to other countries which have better
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
education and
they will have a new life.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, college or go job straight after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
depend on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
need to respect their determination.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay 1. Some people believe that studying at university or college is a route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discus both views. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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