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Today, some employees are not sociable with colleagues in their team. What are reasons of this and what measure can be suggested? v.2

Today, some employees are not sociable with colleagues in their team. What are reasons of this and what measure can be suggested? v. 2
Nowadays, sociable capacity in workplace is now one of the most controversial issues that people like debating about. I guess what if when people organize a team randomly, especially at work, what impact on their life? In this essay, I will address my personal opinion and suggest effective methods of making achievable relationship. The first reason why people do not get along with their colleagues is that striking a balance between household and work has been hard so that, recently, many people would prefer hanging out with their real friends rather than their colleagues. Because if you go out or invite your co-workers, many of them do not ensure what topic is natural for conversation. Some kinds of their conversation would be sensitive and super personal. Perhaps, the conversations between both of them affect their working performance as well as the topic could be related to your work. Secondly, atmosphere among themselves may well have a hierarchy structure, but this assumption is that it depends on which company people work in. So the system leads to be distanced by their bosses and mangers and it led to a negative influence on work climates. Another reason is as IT technology has greatly changed those issues ever since chatting app is introduced. Some of employees feel still work even though they already finish their workload. In my opinion, employers and employees should strive to make anti-stressful environment. For example, one of physiology research says generating new leisure in workplace trigger higher performance during the experiment, that time had given excessive workload though. Due to those reasons, could be some of people hesitate to spend time with their co-workers unless personally someone who really is either shy or non-sociable. Also, the role of bosses is no more than to respect each other.
Nowadays, sociable capacity in workplace is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
one of the most controversial issues that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like debating about. I guess what if when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
organize a team
randomly
,
especially
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, what impact on their life? In this essay, I will address my personal opinion and suggest effective methods of making achievable relationship.

The
first
reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with their colleagues is that striking a balance between household and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, recently,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would prefer hanging out with their real friends
rather
than their colleagues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
if you go out or invite your co-workers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them do not ensure what topic is natural for conversation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
kinds of their conversation would be sensitive and super personal. Perhaps, the conversations between both of them affect their working performance
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
the topic could
be related
to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Secondly
, atmosphere among themselves may well have a hierarchy structure,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this assumption is that it depends on which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the system leads to
be distanced
by their bosses and mangers and it led to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
climates. Another reason is as IT technology has
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
those issues ever since chatting app
is introduced
.
After 'Some of', you should use 'the' ("Some of the employees") or simply say "Some employees".
Some of employees
feel
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
even though
they already finish their workload.

In my opinion, employers and employees should strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
anti-stressful environment.
For example
, one of physiology research says generating new leisure in workplace trigger higher performance during the experiment, that time had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
excessive workload though.

Due to those reasons, could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hesitate to spend time with their co-workers unless
personally
someone who
really
is either shy or non-sociable.
Also
, the role of bosses is no more than to respect each other.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, some employees are not sociable with colleagues in their team. What are reasons of this and what measure can be suggested? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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