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New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? . v.9

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? . v. 9
The effect of new technologies on children is a heated topic of debating in the today' s world. While some people think that new technologies have disadvantages in the way children spending their free time, I am of the opinion that the benefits outweight the disadvantages. There is a common belief that there are some drawbacks of spending too much time on technologies. With the development of smartphones and tablets, children usually keep their eyes glued to the screens. As a result, they are less likely to spend time on outdoor activities like playing football and swimming, which makes them more prone to obesity. In addition, the more time children spending on the Internet, the more they relying on their social network and the less time they spend with real friends. This might interfere the development of soft skills in children, like communication skills and team work skills. However, I am firmly of the opinion that the advantages of new technologies outweight the disadvantages. Thanks to the Internet, children nowadays have countless oportunities to access to a world of knowledge. With this knowledge, the self-study turns into more appealing to children and they are more likely to spend time on self-studying in order to broaden their knowledge. Morever, along with the Internet, language softwares allow children to learn foreign languages easier. Knowing more than one language will be benefical for children in the future, especially when they are seeking a job. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the influence of new technologies in the way children using their time is associated with lots of benefits, which far outweighting the drawbacks.
The effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is a heated topic of debating in the
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today&
#039; s world. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
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new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
have disadvantages in the way
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children
spending their free
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time
, I am of the opinion that the benefits
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outweight
the disadvantages.

There is a common belief that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of spending too much
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time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. With the development of smartphones and tablets,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their eyes glued to the screens.
As a result
, they are less likely to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on outdoor activities like playing football and swimming, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more prone to obesity.
In addition
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spending on the Internet, the more
Did you mean "they're relying", "they are relying", or "they were relying"?
they relying
on their social network and the less
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time
they spend with real friends. This might interfere the development of soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
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children
, like communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and team work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

However
, I am
firmly
of the opinion that the advantages of
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new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
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outweight
the disadvantages. Thanks to the Internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays have countless
Possible spelling mistake found.
oportunities
to access to a world of knowledge. With this knowledge, the self-study turns into more appealing to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they are more likely to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on self-studying in order to broaden their knowledge.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Morever
, along with the Internet, language softwares
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn foreign languages easier. Knowing more than one language will be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefical
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the future,
especially
when they are seeking a job.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
in the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
using their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is associated
with lots of benefits, which far
Possible spelling mistake found.
outweighting
the drawbacks.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? . v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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