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Some people think it is more beneficial to play sports that are played in teams e g football However some people think it is more beneficial to play individual sports e g tennis and swimming Discuss about views and give your own opinion v.2

Some people think it is more beneficial to play sports that are played in teams e g football However some people think it is more beneficial to play individual sports e g tennis and swimming Discuss about views and give your own opinion v. 2
It is argued that the advantage of playing sport are more in a group or in their individual. In this essay, I will discuss this two sides of view and conclude with my personal opinion. First of all, playing a sport within a team can achieve the best result and support each team members. This means a group of people try to do their best on the competition because of the same goal, it gathered people to be together and build a strong relationship. In addition, a sport team have more chance to share their trouble of playing sport with other players and the problem might be solved easier than individual sports. For example, football is a sport that need lots of people to deliver a ball by team’s cooperation and make the game successful. As well as, to analysis the weakness and strength of each players and put them in different positions which is a way to overcome some people’s weakness. On the other hand, individual sports can be more freedom which means the person can make whatever effort as they want and there is no any team members to be concerned about. However, it can be stressful for someone who play individual sports. It gathered spotlight on only one person and the player needs to face the situation alone if they lose the game. For instance, people who swim can achieve the final result by individual training but they might feel more frustrated than team sport players as they practice by them self without group support. In conclusion, every sport has its positive and negative sides. However, I believe the benefits of group sports outweigh individual plays as I think a team can build a strong power.
It
is argued
that the advantage of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
are more in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
or in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
. In this essay, I will discuss this two sides of view and conclude with my personal opinion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, playing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
within a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
can achieve the best result and support each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
members. This means a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to do their best on the competition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the same goal, it gathered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be together and build a strong relationship.
In addition
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
have more chance to share their trouble of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
and the problem might
be solved
easier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For example
, football is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
that need lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to deliver a ball by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team’s
cooperation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the game successful.
As well
as, to analysis the weakness and strength of each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "player"?
players
and put them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
positions which is a way to overcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
weakness.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can be more freedom which means the person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
whatever effort as they want and there is
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
members to
be concerned
about.
However
, it can be stressful for someone who play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. It gathered spotlight on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one person and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
needs to face the situation alone if they lose the game.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who swim can achieve the final result by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they might feel more frustrated than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
as they practice by them self without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
support.

In conclusion
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
has its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides.
However
, I believe the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
outweigh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
plays as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
can build a strong power.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is more beneficial to play sports that are played in teams e g football However some people think it is more beneficial to play individual sports e g tennis and swimming Discuss about views and give your own opinion v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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