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The bar chart below shows the number of employees from the European Union in the United States (1999) v.3

The bar chart below shows the number of employees from the European Union in the United States (1999) v. 3
The diagram depicts how many people from European Union countries worked in the United States in 1999. As an overall trend, French demonstrated the lowest point, about 5000 people have worked from this country, while employees from British show the peak rate in which was roughly 5 times more than French ones. Meanwhile, the second rate was occupied by German workers which approximately 20000 people have worked in US. Employees who come from Italy delineated penultimate rate which second less workers who worked more than 5000 people in US in 1999. Nevertheless, overall 20000 people from other European Union countries were engaged in US in 1999 To sum up, people who was immigrated t US to work purpose show a peak rate, therefore last rate was occupied by French employees.
The diagram depicts how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
from European Union countries worked in the United States in 1999.

As an
overall
trend, French demonstrated the lowest point, about 5000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have worked from this country, while employees from British
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the peak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in which was roughly 5 times more than French ones. Meanwhile, the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was occupied
by German workers which approximately 20000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have worked in US. Employees who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from Italy delineated penultimate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
which second
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun workers is countable.
less
workers who worked more than 5000
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people
in US in 1999.
Nevertheless
,
overall
20000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from other European Union countries
were engaged
in US in 1999

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
was immigrated
t US to work purpose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a peak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
,
therefore
last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was occupied
by French employees.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay The bar chart below shows the number of employees from the European Union in the United States (1999) v. 3

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
130 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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