Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Today, people in many countries can live and work anywhere they choose, because of improved communication technology and transport. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages? v.1

Today, people in many countries can live and work anywhere they choose, because of improved communication technology and transport. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages? v. 1
The improvement in communication technology and transport has enabled people throughout the world to move to any place where they can live a new life and work. This can have a positive effect on one’s career and the whole society, although it has its drawback. Thanks to technological advances in communication and transportation, people can live wherever they like and improve the standard of living because they have better opportunities to advance their careers. Regional disparities are clear in the world, and some cities or countries do not have many job or business opportunities. Therefore, people choose to move to large cities or foreign countries when they can keep in touch with their family by using mobile phones and online communication tools, and visit their relatives by travelling by air or train. As they can seize more opportunities for career advancement, they are able to increase their income and achieve their potential. On the other hand, one disadvantage of living and working in their favourite places is that they are not able to maintain a good relationship with each other and experience a sense of alienation. They live far away from other members of family so they may not have shared life experiences and they fail to provide encouragement when their parents or children face challenges. In addition, as they move around a lot, it is difficult for them to stay in contact with friends or develop a close relationship with neighbours. The consequence is that they will become less sociable and feel disconnected from their family, despite the availability of advanced communication and transportation. They suffer a sense of loneliness. In conclusion, technological change may provide more career opportunities for people, although it may have a negative effect on their social and family life.
The improvement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
technology and transport has enabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throughout the world to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to any place where they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a new life and work. This can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and the whole society, although it has its drawback.

Thanks to technological advances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and transportation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
wherever they like and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the standard of living
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
to advance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
. Regional disparities are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
in the world, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cities or countries do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job or business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to large cities or foreign countries when they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
by using mobile phones and online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
tools, and visit their relatives by travelling by air or train. As they can seize more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
advancement, they are able to increase their income and achieve their potential.

On the other hand
, one disadvantage of living and working in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
places is that they are not able to maintain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with each other and experience a sense of alienation. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away from other members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they may not have shared life
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
experiences and
they fail to provide encouragement when their parents or children face challenges.
In addition
, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
around a lot, it is difficult for them to stay in contact with friends or develop a close relationship with
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
. The consequence is that they will become less sociable and feel disconnected from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, despite the availability of advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and transportation. They suffer a sense of loneliness.

In conclusion
, technological
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
may provide more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, although it may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their social and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Today, people in many countries can live and work anywhere they choose, because of improved communication technology and transport. Do the advantages outweigh its disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts