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Because of improved technologies in communication and transport, people in some countries can now choose to live and work anywhere they want. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Because of improved technologies in communication and transport, people in some countries can now choose to live and work anywhere they want. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
An enhancement in the transportation has brought a vast change in the communication system through the countries, creating ample opportunities for migration. This movement has opened wide working opportunities to everyone, in whatever stream they are from. The chances for growth in the education and business fields are also clearly indicative due to this improvement worldwide. The impact on the economic growth is impressive as there are frequent transactions going in between the countries. The extinct of foreign affairs is remarkable with ingrowing career opportunities in the fields of software, engineering, banking, legal, compliance and many more areas. There is a global chance of immigration and settlement, these days with respective to the jobs and studies. People of one country can move to any other country for their higher studies, such as graduation, post graduation, diploma, advanced courses, research related Phd, etc. , through a prescribed gateway. Even for a job, they can settle down with a work permit visa, or any other qualification that is necessary for such entry. For example, many children from places like India, Australia, France move to US or any other, for their education with a student Visa. Likewise, the working professionals move to Canada, UK, Switzerland and so on. In addition to this, people go on a visit to other countries like a family trip, friendly and official meetings, project conferences or to spend a pleasureful time. Some folks have a passion to travel, wherein, they love to see all famous places around the World. Conclusively, technology has improved a lot, along with the enrichment of the economy and people's relations. Such development is always healthy for everyone and the society too.
An enhancement in the transportation has brought a vast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the communication system through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, creating ample opportunities for migration. This movement has opened wide working opportunities to everyone, in whatever stream they are from. The chances for growth in the education and business fields are
also
clearly
indicative due to this improvement worldwide. The impact on the economic growth is impressive as there are frequent transactions going in between the countries.

The phrase 'The extinct of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'The' and 'of'.
The extinct of
foreign affairs is remarkable with ingrowing career opportunities in the fields of software, engineering, banking, legal, compliance and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more areas. There is a global chance of immigration and settlement, these days with respective to the jobs and studies.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for their higher studies, such as graduation, post graduation, diploma, advanced courses, research related
The more common abbreviation of the term 'philosophiae doctor' is "PhD".
Phd
, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
through a prescribed gateway. Even for a job, they can settle down with a work permit visa, or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
qualification
that is
necessary for such entry.

For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children from places like India, Australia, France
The singular proper name 'France' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "moves", "moved".
move
to US or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, for their education with a student Visa.
Likewise
, the working professionals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to Canada, UK, Switzerland and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
In addition
to this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
go on a visit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like a family trip, friendly and official meetings, project conferences or to spend a pleasureful time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
folks have a passion to travel, wherein, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
places around the World.

Conclusively
, technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
a lot, along with the enrichment of the economy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's relations. Such development is always healthy for everyone and the society too.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Because of improved technologies in communication and transport, people in some countries can now choose to live and work anywhere they want. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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