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Some people are fond of buying new gadgets, phones or laptops. Is this a good or bad things. Discuss your opinion. v.1

Some people are fond of buying new gadgets, phones or laptops. Is this a good or bad things. Discuss your opinion. v. 1
It is generally asserted that a few people addicted of purchasing modern appliance, mobiles and laptops. In my opinion, this is a good things as people's can be updated within today's world. There are some reasons why this good things about people buying new gadgets, mobiles and laptops. One of reason is that; it helps to save money. For instance, nowadays many companies are launching electricity gadgets on low price so they can it with theirs reasonable salary. Similarly, new technology are more easy and understandable. As a results a normal people can use it on short period of time by this way they can also have theirs precious time. Lastly it helps to maintain their standard lifestyle. However nobody's can say bad things about their living style and also about them. On the contrary some peoples have negative ideas on buying new gadget, mobiles and laptops. Primarily, it's lost of money. Such as people buy things like vidoe game one he play then he never play it again so it is totally lost of money. Secondly, it may be unsafe. however, there most common crime is robbing if we are carrying a new phone than it maybe robbed. Finally, it may be create discrimination between riches and poor people because new gadgets are more expensive so it can buy by only riches people not by poor people so they involve in bad activities. In conclusion, people are found of buying current mobiles, laptops and appliances. Nevertheless, it helps to provide more security and facilities to save time in morden world.
It is
generally
asserted that a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
addicted of purchasing modern appliance, mobiles and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "thing"?
things
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's can
be updated
within
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
, mobiles and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
. One of reason is that; it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to save money.
For instance
, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are launching electricity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
on low price
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can it with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theirs
reasonable salary.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technology are more easy and understandable.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a result" or simply "results"?
a results
a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it on short period of time by this way they can
also
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theirs
precious time.
Lastly
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to maintain their standard lifestyle.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
nobody's can say
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things about their living style and
also
about them.

On the contrary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
on buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadget
, mobiles and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
.
Primarily
, it's lost of money. Such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things like
Possible spelling mistake found.
vidoe
game one he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "plays", "played".
play
then he never
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "plays", "played".
play
it again
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
totally
lost of money.
Secondly
, it may be unsafe.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, there most common crime is robbing if we are carrying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
phone than it maybe robbed.
Finally
, it
Did you mean "maybe" (= perhaps)?
may be
Consider using the past participle "created"?
create
discrimination between riches and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gadgets
are more expensive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
riches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not by poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they involve in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
activities.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are found
of buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
mobiles,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laptops
and appliances.
Nevertheless
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to provide more security and facilities to save time in
Possible spelling mistake found.
morden
world.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people are fond of buying new gadgets, phones or laptops. Is this a good or bad things. Discuss your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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