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Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveler? v.3

Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveler? v. 3
All round learning is becoming increasingly popular in many schools in the world. It is argued by some people that learning institutions should teach student competition, while others believe that cooperation and group work is essential. In my opinion, I agree with the statement that competitiveness ought to be learnt in educational centres, because this will ensure that they strive for the best as well as being able to meet up with future societal pressures. On the one hand, some individuals believe that competition should be studied in institutions of learning and I agree because this will prepare tutee to always want to be the best amongst their peers. In other words, teaching this aids their abilities to pursue excellence, because this skill helps to build their mind towards having healthy relationships. For instance, private primary schools in Lagos in 2018 organized inter school debates and quiz competition, which motivated the students to go extra length to study in a bid to win the grand prize. Overall, competing ensures that learners develop a positive attitude towards winning. On the other hand, some others view that having abilities in co-operative and teamwork is paramount because this will help them learn how to develop cordial relationships among people. This is because at every phase of their lives they would come in contact with people that they would relate and associate with, so it is important that this skill is incorporated when they are in school. For example, many companies and businesses in Nigeria recently stated that teamwork is vital for promotions. Therefore, it is necessary that cooperation and being able to perform within groups is taught in schools in order to be able to cope outside the academic environment. In conclusion, although people may vary in their opinion, I believe that being competitive aids conscious effort to be great and prepares them for the future.
All round learning is becoming
increasingly
popular in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in the world. It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that learning institutions should teach student competition, while others believe that cooperation and group work is essential. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that competitiveness ought to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will ensure that they strive for the best
as well
as being able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with future societal pressures.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that competition should
be studied
in institutions of learning and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will prepare
Possible spelling mistake found.
tutee
to always want to be the best amongst their peers. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, teaching this aids their abilities to pursue excellence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to build their mind towards having healthy relationships.
For instance
, private primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in Lagos in 2018 organized inter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
debates and quiz competition, which motivated the students to go extra length to study in a bid to win the grand prize.
Overall
, competing ensures that learners develop a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude towards winning.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others view that having abilities in co-operative and teamwork is paramount
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them learn how to develop cordial relationships
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
at every phase of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in contact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that they would relate and associate with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is incorporated
when they are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and businesses in Nigeria recently stated that teamwork is vital for promotions.
Therefore
, it is necessary that cooperation and being able to perform within groups
is taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in order to be able to cope outside the academic environment.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinion, I believe that being competitive aids conscious effort to be great and prepares them for the future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveler? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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