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In order to reduce crime we need to attack the causes of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities It is not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people in prison To what extend do you agree or disagree with this v.2

In order to reduce crime we need to attack the causes of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities It is not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people in prison with this v. 2
Technology dominates the human life and it has been woven into our daily routine. High tech intercession such as the involvement of handheld device has been believed by some set of individuals to be the reason why people are less communicative. With this laid statement, I strongly disagree and this will be discussed in the essay. To start with, communication is very necessary in our daily life activities, the mobile phone is the most popular gadget in today's world and it has achieved the goal of revolutionizing the way we associate with one another: especially these days where letter writing are becoming outdated. For example, this cell device has improved interaction via means like, chats, text messages, even, video calls because people who resides far (E. G, family, friends and colleagues) can be easily reached, for the purpose of checking up on their wellbeing and solid friendship with utmost care. In addition, users of this device can connect easily irrespective of the timing: giving opportunity to surf the internet, thereby, linking up with person's from different parts of the world through means like the Facebook and Instagram amongst others. Furthermore, this headphone can boost a person socially as it can be used, to take photographs that can be shared with other media for loved ones to appreciate. Similarly, other socially inclined used for this machine is listening to music that can be accessed during outings with your company and it equally qualifies as a fashion accessory. Hence, to conclude on this, even though the beliefs of some people are that the mobile phone has replaced the place of true rapport amongst us, but I strongly believe that its evolution has proven more advantageous in companionship.
Technology dominates the human life and it has
been woven
into our daily routine. High tech intercession such as the involvement of handheld device has
been believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
set of individuals to be the reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are less communicative. With this laid statement, I
strongly
disagree and this will
be discussed
in the essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, communication is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary in our daily life activities, the mobile phone is the most popular gadget in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world and it has achieved the goal of revolutionizing the way we associate with one another:
especially
these
It is better to use 'days' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "days when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
days where
letter writing are becoming outdated.
For example
, this cell device has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
interaction via means like, chats, text messages, even, video calls
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Did you mean "reside"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
resides
far (E. G, family, friends and colleagues) can be
easily
reached, for the purpose of checking up on their
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
and solid friendship with utmost care.

In addition
, users of this device can connect
easily
irrespective of the timing: giving opportunity to surf the internet, thereby, linking up with person's from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world through means like the Facebook and Instagram amongst others.
Furthermore
, this headphone can boost a person
socially
as it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, to take photographs that can
be shared
with other media for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones to appreciate.
Similarly
, other
socially
inclined
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for this machine is listening to music that can
be accessed
during outings with your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and it
equally
qualifies as a fashion accessory.

Hence
,
to conclude
on this,
even though
the beliefs of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are that the mobile phone has replaced the place of true rapport amongst us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
strongly
believe that its evolution has proven more advantageous in companionship.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In order to reduce crime we need to attack the causes of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities It is not enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people in prison with this v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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