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Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveler? v.5

Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveler? v. 5
It is true that nowadays more people are traveling than they did in the past. There are various reasons for this situation, and people who are the travelers will get many benefits from these trips. To begin with, there are two reasons why today more people would go for a trip. Firstly, that is the connecting conditions among areas which is more advantage than before with good infrastructures and various transportation options such as vehicles, trains, airplanes, and boats. For example, a person who wants to get a trip to America from Vietnam could choose going by air with only 24hr instead of using a ship that was only choice in the past. Secondly, it also causes by tourism industry which is developing and widening around the world. Thanks to tourism industry, a lot of resorts are building and becoming the first destination in the holiday of everyone. Furthermore, travel advertising on TVs, newspapers, and Internet help people easy to find a location and make plan for their holiday. During the journey, travelers could get many new experiences. Sometimes, there are some new soft skills which they learned from handicraft village, sometimes that is reordering their mind after facing the real life over-there. In addition, after the trio, people always feel stronger with full energy inside themselves. This leads them to start to work effectively, and by applying what they learned from the trip, they could get more successful in their life. In conclusion, nowadays people are paying more for their leisure time on traveling than before, and of course, they are getting many benefits from these activities.
It is true that nowadays more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are traveling than they did in the past. There are various reasons for this situation, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are the travelers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits from these trips.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are two reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would go for a trip.
Firstly
,
that is
the connecting conditions among areas which is more advantage than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
infrastructures and various transportation options such as vehicles, trains, airplanes, and boats.
For example
, a person who wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a trip to America from Vietnam could choose
If 'choose' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to go".
going
by air with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
24hr
instead
of using a ship that was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
choice in the past.
Secondly
, it
also
causes by tourism industry which is developing and widening around the world. Thanks to tourism industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
resorts are building and becoming the
first
destination in the holiday of everyone.
Furthermore
, travel advertising on TVs, newspapers, and Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easy to find a location and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
plan for their holiday.

During the journey, travelers could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new experiences.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which they learned from handicraft village,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
that is
reordering their mind after facing the real life over-there.
In addition
, after the trio,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always feel stronger with full energy inside themselves. This leads them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to work
effectively
, and by applying what they learned from the trip, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more successful in their life.

In conclusion
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are paying more for their leisure time on traveling than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and
of course
, they are getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits from these activities.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Today, more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveler? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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