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Today more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller? v.2

Today more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller? v. 2
The 20th century has evolved with various phenomena such as, the IT, and industrial revolution, because of these developments there is a huge demand for skilled manpower. On the other hand, the courses, that are being offered by the universities are not revised since last 20 years; therefore, most of the educated graduates are not able to grab a desired job, as per their skills. The essay will outline the reasons for such precarious situation, and the remedy to overcome such situation. One of the prominent reasons for such an unemployment is that the curriculum offered by the universities has not been updated to match the recent developments in the industry. In other words, the academic institutes are still teaching the basic level courses; in addition to this, there is no professional certification course, such as Python, Java as part of syllabus; consequently, the companies do not hire the fresh pass out students. The University of Technology, Auckland, for instance, has not revised their courses since 1975, and during this year placements drive only 10% of the total students were hired, and the feedback given by the visiting companies was to revise the study modules. Moreover, the professors are also not upgrading themselves with the latest developments, because they have to teach the same subjects, thereby students are not aware of the latest advancements in the modern world. The most suitable method to counter such situation is to, introduce certification courses mandatory for students and professors both. The students should pass at least one certification course to obtain the degree, whereas the teachers should obtain certification once a year to attain promotion to next level. A good illustration of this is that there was a record breaking placement at the University of Kent, because most of the participating students were CCNA or Java certified. Furthermore, colleges should form an association with the industries, so that their experts should visit the college campus to enlighten the scholars about the latest trends in the technical world. To conclude, to increase the employability, in my opinion universities have to catch up with the fast changing development trends. For this, they need to have a very close relationship with corporate, and also motivate students and professors to do professional certifications.
The 20th century has evolved with various phenomena such as, the IT, and industrial revolution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
there is a huge demand for skilled manpower.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, that are
being offered
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are not revised since last 20 years;
therefore
, most of the educated graduates are not able to grab a desired job, as per their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. The essay will outline the reasons for such precarious situation, and the remedy to overcome such situation.

One of the prominent reasons for such an unemployment is that the curriculum offered by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
has not
been updated
to match the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
in the industry.
In other words
, the academic institutes are
still
teaching the basic level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
;
in addition
to this, there is no professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certification
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, such as Python, Java as part of syllabus;
consequently
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
do not hire the fresh pass out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Technology, Auckland,
for instance
, has not revised their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
since 1975, and during this year placements drive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10% of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were hired
, and the feedback
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the visiting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
was to revise the study modules.
Moreover
, the professors are
also
not upgrading themselves with the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
teach the same subjects, thereby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not aware of the latest advancements in the modern world.

The most suitable method to counter such situation is to, introduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certification
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
mandatory for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and professors both. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should pass at least one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certification
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
to obtain the degree, whereas the teachers should obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certification
once a year to attain promotion to
next
level. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is that there was a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
record breaking
placement at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Kent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the participating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were CCNA or Java certified.
Furthermore
, colleges should form an association with the industries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their experts should visit the college campus to enlighten the scholars about the latest trends in the technical world.

To conclude
, to increase the employability, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
catch up with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
trends. For this, they need to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
close relationship with corporate, and
also
motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and professors to do professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certifications
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Today more people are traveling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
376 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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