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05. 10. 2017The company you work for has decided to close the cafeteria as staff are not using it much. You are unhappy about it. Write a letter to the supervisor / director (someone in authority)- Asking not to close it- Inform what feel is the cause of st v.1

05. 10. 2017The company you work for has decided to close the cafeteria as staff are not using it much. You are unhappy about it. Write a letter to the supervisor / director (someone in authority)- Asking not to close it- Inform what feel is the cause of st v. 1
It is often argued that whether young ones need to get a college degree to advance their knowledge or they should start right away to working life in order to make good implementations to their society. Throughout this essay, I will discuss both opinions and give my view which favours the latter. Those who believe young people need to enter the labour market without a need for university degree often think, the experience which may only be taken from the field would have a crucial part to advance their work skills moreover contribute their society. This is because academic knowledge does generally not answer day-to-day work-related problems since its components mainly based on theories. For example, a recent study showed that many university students think the field internships provide more practical knowledge than the college courses since seeing possible conflicts and solutions by being present is very highly likely. On the other hand, university education gives a greater understanding of sophisticated problems. The reason for this, during the college years, students do not only learn knowledge which is specifically related to their fields but also from wide-range approaches and aspects. This allows students to build a broad understanding of different kinds of problem, where during their further working life this can be applied to the upcoming duties. Take an example of a civil engineer and a building technician, they both working in the construction industry, however, one of them mainly obliged to apply the regulations that suggested by the other. To conclude, although entering the job market allows young people to gain experience, therefore, contribute their society, I believe that higher education is a must since it can provide young individuals with a sophisticated knowledge the community will benefit at a large. 1. Some people think that young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a college degree to advance their
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
knowledge or
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
right away to working life in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
implementations to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Throughout this essay, I will discuss both opinions and give my view which
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
the latter.

Those who believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to enter the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market without a need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
, the experience which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be taken
from the field would have a crucial part to advance their work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
moreover
contribute their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
does
generally
not answer day-to-day work-related problems since its components
mainly
based on theories.
For example
, a recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the field internships provide more practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
than the college courses since seeing possible conflicts and solutions by being present is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
highly
likely.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education gives a greater understanding of sophisticated problems. The reason for this, during the college years, students do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
which is
specifically
related to their fields
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
from wide-range approaches and aspects. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
students to build a broad understanding of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of problem, where during their
further
working life this can
be applied
to the upcoming duties. Take an example of a civil engineer and a building technician, they both working in the construction industry,
however
, one of them
mainly
obliged to apply the regulations that suggested by the other.

To conclude
, although entering the job market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gain experience,
therefore
, contribute their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, I believe that higher education is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
since it can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals with a sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
the community will benefit at a large. 1.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to
further
their education while others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
they should
be encouraged
to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Discuss both views and give your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay 05. 10. 2017The company you work for has decided to close the cafeteria as staff are not using it much. You are unhappy about it. Write a letter to the supervisor / director (someone in authority)- Asking not to close it- Inform what feel is the cause of st v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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