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Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic? v.9

Nowadays if you look at dietitians offices, we can see so many obese people who are seeking for treatment. These days the number of overweight people is constantly increasing. This essay will discuss the main reasons of this epidemic and then describe the possible effects of the problem. One of the major reasons of this epidemic is increasing the rate of using fast foods. In this era, as people do not have enough time to make a nutritive meal, most of them turn to consuming prepared food. In addition more individual are persuaded to use an unhealthy and high-calorie helping by some attractive advertising which care more about high income than public health. Another important factor is sedentary lifestyle that most of people are involved in. We can see in our modern world individuals not only do not have enough time for doing outdoor leisure activities, but also they prefer to do their jobs at home while they are sitting or lying down; Because this kind of lifestyle seems easier due to the modern technology. The possible effects of this problem include physical health problems and loss of productivity. Firstly, obesity results in incorrect functioning of human body and contributes to increasing a rate of some health disease and the risk of developing a number of chronic illnesses. For example, when the amount of body fat increases, some of vital veins in body can get blockedcause serious problems for individual depend on a type of vein. Moreover as the time passes the body's liver get fatty and unhealthy and if individual do not care and left it untreated, it will lead to a cancer. Secondly, overweight people are very unhealthy and often suffer from stress and tiredness therefore their work capacity and productivity begin to decrease. For instance, it has been proven that an obese person needs to put more effort to complete some test than a person with normal weight. In conclusion, it is obvious that obesity become to a big problem that affects a lot of people nowadays. It is mainly caused by inactive life style and bad eating habits and results in several health problems and loss of productivity
Nowadays if you look at dietitians offices, we can
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see
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so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obese
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people
who are seeking for treatment. These days the number of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
constantly
increasing. This essay will discuss the main reasons of this epidemic and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the possible effects of the problem.

One of the major reasons of this epidemic is increasing the rate of using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods. In this era, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a nutritive meal, most of them turn to consuming prepared food. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
are persuaded
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
an unhealthy and high-calorie helping by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
attractive advertising which care more about high income than public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor is sedentary lifestyle that most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are involved
in. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in our modern world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for doing outdoor leisure activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they prefer to do their jobs at home while they are sitting or lying down;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
this kind of lifestyle seems easier due to the modern technology.

The possible effects of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
include physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and loss of productivity.
Firstly
, obesity results in incorrect functioning of human body and contributes to increasing a rate of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
disease and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of developing a number of chronic illnesses.
For example
, when the amount of body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
increases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of vital veins in body can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible spelling mistake found.
blockedcause
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
depend on a type of vein.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
as the time passes the body's liver
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fatty and unhealthy and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
do not care and
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left
it untreated, it will lead to a cancer.
Secondly
, overweight
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people
are
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very
unhealthy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suffer from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tiredness
therefore
their work capacity and productivity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to decrease.
For instance
, it has
been proven
that an obese person needs to put more effort to complete
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
than a person with normal weight.

In conclusion
, it is obvious that obesity become to a
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big
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problem
that affects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays. It is
mainly
caused by inactive
This noun is normally spelled as one word.
life style
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eating habits and results in several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and loss of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
productivity
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IELTS essay Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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