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Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic? v.6

Our body is our temple where we unknowingly offer different types of food having calories and fats without knowing the effects of their excess intake. Thus, we end up receiving flabby stomach, heavy weights and unfit body in reciprocation. This is only seen in recent times due to overeating, excessively fatty food items, junk food etcetera. With time passing by, the food industries with a focus only on making their business flourish have started adulteration up to a high extent. In previous times, there were a few food industries which used to have natural additives which would not cause side effects of fat deposition on people’s bodies. Nowadays, processed food items have been more in demand as life has become too fast and people feel their time gets wasted in cooking and hence end up eating anything that is served easily on their dining tables. Above facts can surely be considered as primary causes of overweighing. Who can forget Adnan Sami whose habit of overeating led him to overweigh on such a noticeable scale. Coming to the effects that overweighing has brought to fat people. They either become fatter or end up having other physical problems like inability to be swift in their day to day activities. Some could also find it hard to enjoy their sex life and also face rejection in a relationship. Some people without understanding the seriousness of overweighing continue to ruin their body up to such an extent that they become bed ridden. An American guy named Cillas Givens is one of the examples who shed half of his body in order to propose his girlfriend and marry her. Other effects of overweighing are also body shaming and being called out by different names by fellow colleagues and friends. Some people may also have suicidal thoughts as they are made fun of their appearance. Hence, the habit of overeating inappropriate food and in excess quantity leads us nowhere but a life filled with adjustments, compromise and sometimes with depression.
Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
is our temple where we
unknowingly
offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
having calories and fats without knowing the effects of their excess intake.
Thus
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up receiving flabby stomach, heavy weights and unfit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
in reciprocation.

This is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
due to overeating,
excessively
fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items, junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
etcetera. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
passing by, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industries with a focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on making their business flourish have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
adulteration up to a high extent. In previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, there were a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industries which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have natural additives which would not cause side effects of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
deposition on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
. Nowadays, processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items have been more in demand as life has become too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
wasted in cooking and
hence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up eating anything that
is served
easily


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
on
their dining tables. Above facts can
surely
be considered
as primary causes of
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighing
.
“Who” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Who
can forget Adnan Sami whose habit of overeating led him to
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
on such a noticeable scale.

Coming to the effects that
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighing
has brought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They either become fatter or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up having other physical problems like inability to be swift in their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
could
also
find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to enjoy their sex life and
also
face rejection in a relationship.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without understanding the seriousness of
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighing
continue to ruin their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
up to such an extent that they become bed ridden. An American guy named
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cillas
Givens is one of the examples who shed
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
half


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
of
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
in order to propose his girlfriend and marry her. Other effects of
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighing
are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
shaming and
being called
out by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
names
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
by


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
fellow
colleagues and friends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
also
have suicidal thoughts as they
are made
fun of their appearance.
Hence
, the habit of overeating inappropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and in excess quantity leads us
Use a comma before ‘but’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nowhere
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a life filled with adjustments, compromise and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
with depression.

IELTS academic Cause and effect type essay: Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
334 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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