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Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara dessert or the Antartic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v.1

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara dessert or the Antartic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 1
Many visitors are showing their interest to visit troublesome places, like Sahara deserts or the Antartic, in the present time. Tourists can gain various exciting experiences from an adventurous trip but there are many drawbacks to be taken into account. Firstly, one of the advantage of touring in challenging place is that it is full of adventure. Those, who travel on regularly, may get bored by seeing normal touring spots, so that an adventurous journey can become a blessing for them. Secondly, if one wants to enjoy the beauty of nature closely, then he needs to go through some troublesome ways. For example, to see the animals of Amazon jungle, one has to stay in the wood for couple of days without any support of modern facilities. Thirdly, despite some risks, difficult visiting places are less crowded, so one can enjoy his time. For example, after going in Sundarban of Bangladesh, if one does not enter into the jungle, he will never see the beauty of the tiger, crocodile etcetera. On the other hand, one problem of travelling awkward place is that there no facilities for tourist. In some places, it is totally difficult to provide any kinds of emergency support, such medical or security facilities. For example, on the peak of the Mount Averest, if a person needs instant medical help, it will be very difficult for him to get because of the unfavorable weather. Not only the transportation problem could occur in such place but also there might be no proper telecommunication system. Another possible problem is the lack of food shops. One must have to carry own food items to eat and water to drink. In conclusion, while it is beneficial to have an adventurous experience by moving into a place where conditions are extreme in many ways, but it can lead to difficult situation, such as no medical support or no food or water.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
visitors are showing their interest to visit troublesome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, like Sahara deserts or the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Antartic
, in the present time. Tourists can gain various exciting experiences from an adventurous trip
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks to
be taken
into account.

Firstly
, one of the advantage of touring in challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
is that it is full of adventure. Those, who travel on
regularly
, may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored by seeing normal touring spots,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that an adventurous journey can become a blessing for them.
Secondly
, if one wants to enjoy the beauty of nature
closely
, then he needs to go through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
troublesome ways.
For example
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the animals of Amazon jungle, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
stay in the wood for couple of days without any support of modern facilities.
Thirdly
, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are less crowded,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
one can enjoy his time.
For example
, after going in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sundarban
of Bangladesh, if one does not enter into the jungle, he will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the beauty of the tiger, crocodile etcetera.

On the other hand
, one problem of travelling awkward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
is that there no facilities for tourist. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, it is
totally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
to provide any kinds of emergency support, such medical or security facilities.
For example
, on the peak of the Mount
Possible spelling mistake found.
Averest
, if a person needs instant medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, it will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
for him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the unfavorable weather. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the transportation problem could occur in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
there might be no proper telecommunication system. Another possible problem is the lack of food shops. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
carry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
food items to eat and water to drink.

In conclusion
, while it is beneficial to have an adventurous experience by moving into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where conditions are extreme in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
situation, such as no medical support or no food or water.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara dessert or the Antartic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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