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Both poor and rich find the accessibility into university difficult. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Both poor and rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 1
Attaining a university degree is always challenging for both needy and affluent students. While it is equally difficult for both the segments to get admission in the university, I believe wealthy students face lesser difficulty when it comes to paying for the costs involved. The most common reason for students facing difficulty in university admission is the limitation of seats, and outperforming the competition is equally tough for both needy and wealthy students. Take Bangladesh, for example, last year there were more than a hundred applicants against each seat in all of its top-ranking public universities. Consequently, no matter how hard students worked, some students, either poor or rich, were left out of university programs. Another reason preventing students attaining tertiary education is high tuition fees. Although students from affluent families may not face any difficulty, many needy families cannot afford the cost. A significant portion of poor students opts out from study owing to this obstructive university fees. Hence, from a financial perspective, poor students have to deal with more hurdles to access university education. Finally, when opportunities within one’s country are limited, affluent students might go for study abroad. However, the cost of living and studying abroad is beyond the reach of underprivileged families, and for them, no such option exists. To conclude, while accessibility to a university degree is tough for students from both poor or wealthy families, needy students find it more difficult because of the high costs of study and they are also offered with fewer opportunities.
Attaining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree is always challenging for both
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needy
and affluent
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students
. While it is
equally
difficult for both the segments to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission in the
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university
, I believe wealthy
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students
face lesser difficulty when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to paying for the
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costs
involved.

The most common reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
facing difficulty in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
admission is the limitation of seats, and outperforming the competition is
equally
tough for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needy
and wealthy
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students
. Take Bangladesh,
for example
, last year there were more than a hundred applicants against each seat in all of its top-ranking public
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universities
.
Consequently
, no matter how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
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students
worked,
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some
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students
, either
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poor
or rich, were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out of
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university
programs.

Another reason preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
attaining tertiary education is high tuition fees. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from affluent
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families
may not face any difficulty,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
cannot afford the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
. A significant portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
opts out from study owing to this obstructive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
fees.
Hence
, from a financial perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with more hurdles to access
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university
education.

Finally
, when opportunities within one’s country
are limited
, affluent
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students
might go for study abroad.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of living and studying abroad is beyond the reach of underprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, and for them, no such option exists.

To conclude
, while accessibility to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degree is tough for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
or wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
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needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
find it more difficult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
study and
they are
also
offered with fewer opportunities.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Both poor and rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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