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Question: Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara dessert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v.1

Question: Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara dessert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 1
There is a debate concerning about the proper work, whether undertaking in the same enterprise for the lifetime or occupying distinct organisations. This essay discusses both sides of this contentious argument and then I will give my own perspectives. If someone is determined to labour in one place, it would ensure their long career and the easiness reaching better position one day. The company certainly pays attention to the loyal employees and the ones whose understanding their works better anyone else, knowing how to develop their business and/or products, and strengthening the weakness of their organisation. All of these are only obtained by diving the duties for a long time and then someone would become an expert on this kind of job. This expertises lead to a higher position, albeit perhaps in long way to go. Unfortunately, this condition might bring a person in lacking experiences from another abilities and situations that would be a challenge for him or her if their office have got a bankrupt suddenly. On another side, the research shows that people who are changing their occupation twice in a minimum can take a multitasking job and survive in facing some unexpected issues rather than those who only have one position in their life. For instance, an actuary has a job in a private company taking care of life insurance before she moved into a government institution that tackle some medical and health issues in which threaten lives. She should hand on experiences regarding all the calculation about the risk-life theories in real life, whereby it can be only acquired from the company which she undertook beforehand. However, the drawback of displacing the organisations over and over again is the workers should start their career from zero in their new institution and might achieve to a perfect designation that is not in the short time. To conclude, both of the constant or altered organisations will give each own beneficial and detrimental conditions. In my opinion, it is a good idea and recommended to take chances looking perfect organisations, thereby if it have fitted into what is looking for, I prefer to immediately decide to settle down for a long time until the time of retired.
There is a debate concerning about the proper work, whether undertaking in the same enterprise for the lifetime or occupying distinct
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
. This essay discusses both sides of this contentious argument and then I will give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspectives.

If someone
is determined
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
in one place, it would ensure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
career and the easiness reaching better position one day. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
certainly
pays attention to the loyal employees and the ones whose understanding their works better anyone else, knowing how to develop their business and/or products, and strengthening the weakness of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
. All of these are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
obtained by diving the duties for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
time and then someone would become an expert on this kind of job.
Did you mean "these"?
This
expertises lead to a higher position, albeit perhaps in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
way to go. Unfortunately, this condition might bring a person in lacking experiences from another abilities and situations that would be a challenge for him or her if their office have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a bankrupt
suddenly
.

On another side, the research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are changing their occupation twice in a minimum can take a multitasking job and survive in facing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unexpected issues
rather
than those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have one position in their life.
For instance
, an actuary has a job in a private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
taking care of life insurance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
institution that tackle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
medical and health issues in which threaten
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. She should hand on experiences regarding all the calculation about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
-life theories in real life, whereby it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
acquired from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which she undertook beforehand.
However
, the drawback of displacing the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
over and over again is the workers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their career from zero in their new institution and might achieve to a perfect designation
that is
not in the short time.

To conclude
, both of the constant or altered
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
will give each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
beneficial and detrimental conditions. In my opinion, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and
The verb 'recommended' is used with the gerund form: "recommended taking".
recommended to take
chances looking perfect
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, thereby if it
Did you mean "has"?
have
fitted into what is looking for, I prefer to immediately decide to settle down for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
time until the time of retired.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Question: Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara dessert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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