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Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara dessert or the Antartic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v.2

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara dessert or the Antartic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 2
The visitors to colder countries like the Antartic (or) the Sahara has increased in the last few years. There exist extreme freezing temperatures, which makes it hard for the tourist to visit these places. However, they attract a lot of people due to the same reason. First of all, the advantages for most of the people to travel to these locations, since it offers a unique experience like the visit to polar bears, hotels which are built on snow, ice skating, snow caves, etc. In hot conditions like the Sahara, options are available to tour places like dunes, camel rides, etc. , In addition to these activities, both Antartica and the Sahara has a diverse set of population and culture, which is interesting to learn. The ethnic wear of these places is quite different, and you will have options to rent those for a quick photo session as well. The food and the cuisines of these extreme places will offer a fulfilling experience for everyone. Although it is most popular among travellers, the weather makes it deadly for anyone with health complications. It is recommended to get a fitness test completed as one of the mandatory things before travel. It is required to learn and be prepared to the warnings beforehand as these locations are prone for high fatality rate. They are not recommended for anyone with heart disease and people under 18 & above 50. Proper gear is required to get insulated from the cold and humid conditions. Always required meal needs to be carried as it is not readily available in these regions. To conclude, tourism has been flourishing these dangerous places for a once in a lifetime experience. It is always required to be prepared and educated about the danger which comes up with these places as well.
The visitors to colder countries like the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Antartic
(or) the Sahara has increased in the last few years. There exist extreme freezing temperatures, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the tourist to visit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
However
, they attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
due to the same reason.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the advantages for most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to travel to these locations, since it offers a unique experience like the visit to polar bears, hotels which
are built
on snow, ice skating, snow caves, etc. In hot conditions like the Sahara, options are available to tour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
like dunes, camel rides, etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,


In addition
to these activities, both
Possible spelling mistake found.
Antartica
and the Sahara has a diverse set of population and culture, which is interesting to learn. The ethnic wear of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, and you will have options to rent those for a quick photo session
as well
. The food and the cuisines of these extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
will offer a fulfilling experience for everyone.

Although it is most popular among
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
, the weather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it deadly for anyone with health complications. It
is recommended
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a fitness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
completed as one of the mandatory things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
travel. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
to learn and
be prepared
to the warnings beforehand as these locations are prone for high fatality rate. They are not recommended for anyone with heart disease and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
under 18 & above 50. Proper gear is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
insulated from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
and humid conditions. Always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
meal needs to
be carried
as it is not
readily
available in these regions.

To conclude
, tourism has been flourishing these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
for a once in a lifetime experience. It is always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
required
to
be prepared
and educated about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
up with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara dessert or the Antartic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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