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Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a more modern apartment building? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice. v.1

Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a more modern apartment building? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice. v. 1
The growth of large supermarkets has made lives much more convenient than before as there are now more affordable products available to the society. However, this leaves some small business operations paralysed because they could not compete. While it is somewhat gainful, some believe that small businesses going bankrupt that require trading to cease will destroy local communities in which I completely agree with. The first issue that communities are likely to face is the economic collapse. The operations of stores in regions are essential as these provide disposable incomes to local business owners. Closing these crucial businesses would impede the circular flow of income, especially for the family businesses that mainly derive their revenues from selling consumer goods. For instance, there were several stores in one village that catered to the needs of the local and those living nearby; however, the shops were hard struck by the supermarket that was recently opened. This supermarket usually sells much cheaper and has a variety of products, which is perceived to be a financial benefit to low-income families. As a consequence, local small shops were forcibly closed down as they could not counterattack the price competition. The second reason is a potential increase in unemployment rates in the regional areas. Not only local businesses proffer incomes to the owners, but also work to the residents. Many low-paid workers who work as a checkout operator are often not required to have higher education. Searching for an office job would mostly be impossible because they might not meet the qualification criteria. And this requirement is either a bachelor’s or master’s degree in the related field, depending on the position applied. Therefore, closing down the local business operations will certainly affect their work opportunity, in particular the one that struggles to meet one’s daily ends. As a result, these store workers would probably end up being unemployed. In summary, despite various conveniences and monetary benefits those large supermarkets bring to the society at large, the adverse effects on the small-scale business communities as well as unskilled people are more severe.
The growth of large supermarkets has made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
much more convenient than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
as there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more affordable products available to the society.
However
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
operations
Possible spelling mistake. 'paralysed' is British English.
paralysed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they could not compete. While it is somewhat gainful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
going bankrupt that require trading to cease will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities in which I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with.

The
first
issue that communities are likely to face is the economic collapse. The operations of stores in regions are essential as these provide disposable incomes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
owners. Closing these crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
would impede the circular flow of income,
especially
for the family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
that
mainly
derive their revenues from selling consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
For instance
, there were several stores in one village that catered to the needs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
and those living nearby;
however
, the shops were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
struck by the supermarket that was recently opened. This supermarket
usually
sells much cheaper and has a variety of products, which
is perceived
to be a financial benefit to low-income families. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
shops were
forcibly
closed down as they could not counterattack the price competition.

The second reason is a potential increase in unemployment rates in the regional areas. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
proffer incomes to the owners,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
work to the residents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
low-paid workers who work as a checkout operator are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
not required to have higher education. Searching for an office job would
mostly
be impossible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the qualification criteria. And this requirement is either a bachelor’s or master’s degree in the related field, depending on the position applied.
Therefore
, closing down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
operations will
certainly
affect their work opportunity,
in particular
the one that struggles to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
one’s daily ends.
As a result
, these store workers would
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up
being unemployed
.

In summary, despite various conveniences and monetary benefits those large supermarkets bring to the society at large, the adverse effects on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
-scale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
communities
as well
as unskilled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more severe.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a more modern apartment building? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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