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Today, more and more students are deciding to move to a different country for higher studies. Do you think that the benefits outweigh the problems? v.3

Today, more and more students are deciding to move to a different country for higher studies. Do you think that the benefits outweigh the problems? v. 3
In recent years, several students prefer to go abroad for their higher education; however, there are some people have differed whether this trend brings more advantages than disadvantages. In my opinion, I strongly believe that this scenario has more benefits than any negative impacts it would cause. One possible challenges here is that, when a large proportion of learners relocate another nation for their further studies, the native place may lose them as they may opt to live wherever they go for graduating. This situation rarely happens only with students from extremely poor countries, if these countries adopt necessary actions to counteract this outflow in flux, those who go abroad would come back and stay back to their home. By fixing minimum wage, better training and options for further studies, better salary packages would be considered to solve the issues. Nevertheless, despite the above mentioned one issue, there are many positives of going overseas for acquiring degrees would enhance both students as well the home country. Firstly, in terms of students' point of view, they get the world class learning experiences, which, means they get an opportunity to experience a multi- culture students' environment. In other words, as these pupils get a richer learning exposure from their fellow students, whatever new ideas and concepts they expose can use to the development of their country of origin. Having incorporated foreign educated citizens' knowledge for nation building, the country would start to flourish into a globally recognised one. This is kind of a win win situation for both the countries and their citizens. By way of conclusion, even though there are some negatives can be seen regarding students going abroad for foreign degrees, the benefits are far more significant than its demerits. Therefore, I firmly support this development.
In recent years, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer to go abroad for their higher education;
however
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have differed whether this trend brings more advantages than disadvantages. In my opinion, I
strongly
believe that this scenario has more benefits than any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts it would cause.

One possible challenges here is that, when a large proportion of learners relocate another nation for their
further
studies, the native place may lose them as they may opt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
wherever they go for graduating. This situation rarely happens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from
extremely
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, if these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
adopt necessary actions to counteract this outflow in flux, those who go abroad would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back and stay back to their home. By fixing minimum wage, better training and options for
further
studies, better salary packages would
be considered
to solve the issues.

Nevertheless
, despite the above mentioned one issue, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
positives of going overseas for acquiring degrees would enhance both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as well
the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Firstly
, in terms of students' point of view, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
learning experiences, which, means they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to experience a multi- culture students' environment.
In other words
, as these pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a richer learning exposure from their fellow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, whatever new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and concepts they expose can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to the development of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
of origin. Having incorporated foreign educated citizens' knowledge for nation building, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to flourish into a globally
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
one. This is
If 'kind' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "kind of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
kind of a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
win win
situation for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and their citizens.

By way of conclusion,
even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
negatives can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
going abroad for foreign degrees, the benefits are far more significant than its demerits.
Therefore
, I
firmly
support this development.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, more and more students are deciding to move to a different country for higher studies. Do you think that the benefits outweigh the problems? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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