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Essay topics: Today, more and more students are deciding to move to a different country for higher studies. Do you think that benefit of this outweighs the problem? v.1

Essay topics: Today, more and more students are deciding to move to a different country for higher studies. Do you think that benefit of this outweighs the problem? v. 1
It is a fact that many people in developing nations remain suffering from poverty even with the financial assistance from wealthy ones. Therefore, some people opine that developing nations should apply other methods to assist poorer nations rather than provide money. I personally agree with them totally and the essay will discuss this opinion. To begin with, financial support from wealthy nations to poorer ones is not only a temporary solution, but also create more negative outcomes for the receivers. Free food or easy money will nurture the receivers to  become lazy and will lose their motivation to struggle for the better lives. Meanwhile,  the annual financial budget for the richer nations to aid the poor ones will also create a burden for their own taxpayers as well. For example, under the annual financial donation from the United Kingdom after the World War II, the living and financial situations in the African continent have not been improved since then and even have been deteriorating due to the declining financial support from the United Kingdom in the past couples of years. Therefore, financial aid is not a good option for guiding the poorer nations out of their situations. Besides financial support that weakens the receivers' motivation, wealthy nations should carry out other methods to assist the poorer ones. The methods will focus on improving the receivers' motivation, survival skills and knowledge. Therefore, they will be wise enough to rule their nations and improve their living environments. For instance, teaching agricultural technique will assist poor people to grow their local domestic food for self-supply and teaching modern technology will help them produce their own appliances or vehicles. Once people in poorer countries are able to grow their own food and have their own domestic products, their living condition will improve and they will be able to live with their own supply. In conclusion, financial support from rich countries will provide a temporary solution for the receivers in developing ones; moreover, only the methods that assist the receivers to become independent by growing their own food and producing their own appliances or vehicles will provide permanent solutions for eradicating poverty worldwide. Therefore, I agree that the methods, such as conveying agricultural technique, teaching knowledge of modern technology, and so on are  the best option to help the poorer nations rather than financial support.
It is a fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in developing nations remain suffering from poverty even with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
assistance from wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should apply other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
to assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
rather
than provide money. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them
totally
and the essay will discuss this opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a temporary solution,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
create more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes for the receivers. Free food or easy money will nurture the receivers to
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
become lazy and will lose their motivation to struggle for the better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Meanwhile,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
budget for the richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to aid the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
will
also
create a burden for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
taxpayers
as well
.
For example
, under the annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
donation from the United Kingdom after the World War II, the living and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
situations in the African continent have not been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
 since then and even have been deteriorating due to the declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from the United Kingdom in the past couples of years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option for guiding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
out of their situations.

Besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
that weakens the receivers' motivation, wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should carry out other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
to assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. The methods will focus on improving the receivers' motivation, survival
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, they will be wise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their living environments.
For instance
, teaching agricultural technique will assist poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to grow their local domestic food for self-supply and teaching modern technology will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them produce their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
appliances or vehicles. Once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
countries are able to grow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
food and have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
domestic products, their living condition will
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
improve and
they will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
supply.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from rich countries will provide a temporary solution for the receivers in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
;
moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
that assist the receivers to become independent by growing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
food and producing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
appliances or vehicles will provide permanent solutions for eradicating poverty worldwide.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
methods
, such as conveying agricultural technique, teaching knowledge of modern technology, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on are
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
the best option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Essay topics: Today, more and more students are deciding to move to a different country for higher studies. Do you think that benefit of this outweighs the problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
378 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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