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Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers who make greater contribution to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers who make greater contribution to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. v. 1
In today's generation, actors and sportsmen are being paid heavily for their talent, over other professions like medical and education who serve society. Few members of society feel like it should be the other way around. I disagree with the above notion and would like to elucidate my reasons in detail in the below paragraphs. In continuation of the above statement, the actors and sportsmen are being paid heavily for their talents. One of the major reasons is that they are treated as a celebrity, who got some unique talent acquired by birth, which puts them apart from other employees and business people. In addition, passion and rigorous practice on top of that made them do well in their respective industries. To quote an example, Mr. Sachin Tendulkar exhibits a unique talent, with a committed practice that has made him stand apart. A lot of people try to learn and follow him in day to day life. On the other side, yes, doctors and teachers are contributing to society directly or indirectly. But as far as i concerned, they are working for their bread and butter. As per the researchers, the ratio of people working on these two portfolios is 80: 20. So it is obvious that the supply and demand principle is applied for the compensation. In conclusion, Compensations for the actors and sportsmen is obviously high when compared to other professions like medicine and education, as they have extra talent that has demand in the market. However, people in the sports and entertainment industries are also partial contributors to society with their charity works.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation, actors and sportsmen are
being paid
heavily
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
, over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions like medical and education who serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Few members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
feel like it should be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
way around. I disagree with the above notion and would like to elucidate my reasons in detail in the below paragraphs.

In continuation of the above statement, the actors and sportsmen are
being paid
heavily
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
. One of the major reasons is that they
are treated
as a celebrity, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
acquired by birth, which puts them apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
employees and business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, passion and rigorous practice
on top of that
made them do well in their respective industries. To quote an example, Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
exhibits a unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
, with a committed practice that has made him stand apart.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to learn and follow him in day to day life.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, yes, doctors and teachers are contributing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
directly
or
indirectly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
as far as
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
concerned, they are working for their bread and butter. As per the researchers, the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working on these two portfolios is 80: 20.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is obvious that the supply and demand principle
is applied
for the compensation.

In conclusion
, Compensations for the actors and sportsmen is
obviously
high when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions like medicine and education, as they have extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
that has demand in the market.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the sports and entertainment industries are
also
partial contributors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
with their charity works.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers who make greater contribution to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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