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Today, many people getting married at the age of thirties and having children rather than marry at teen age. Is this a positive or negative development? v.2

Today, many people getting married at the age of thirties and having children rather than marry at teen age. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2
Marriage is considered as an indispensable part in the people' s life because it creates beautiful and convivial moments for them but, in comparison with previous scenario, nowadays the individuals are preferring to do marriage and adopt the child only in the age of thirties which is prudently created a positive growth by developing the more concentration between the people towards the education and job. To commence with, the adults are just only want to give the focus towards process- oriented education. As, they want to ameliorate their skills and capabilities to achieve distinct types of opportunities which mainly related to job. For instance, a survey was conducted by the researchers which showed, the individuals who belong to the twenties not give more interest in the marriage and child. It is therefore clear that these people are become able to improve their financial position not only for their ownself but also for their future offsprings. In addition to this, the adults who have not got the age of thirties, are not judiciously faced the real life situations. So, at the last age of twenties, they come to thorough insights into the different situations which enhance their experience about how to handle the love in their relationships. For example, if the adults get married in their earlier age then at this moment, they do not become able to handle their children together with the divorce chances can be elevated. To conclude, marriage is a joyful moment which everyone thinks especially in their dreams. Although, the people who in the age of thirties can face a few problems related to their soul mates and children, but these problems can be easily tackled by acting very wisely.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Marriage
is considered
as an indispensable part in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it creates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and convivial moments for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
in comparison
with previous scenario, nowadays the individuals
The verb 'preferring' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are preferring
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
and adopt the child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of thirties which is
prudently
created a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
growth by developing the more concentration between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards the education and job.

To commence with, the adults are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
want to give the focus towards process- oriented education. As, they want to ameliorate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and capabilities to achieve distinct types of opportunities which
mainly
related to job.
For instance
, a survey
was conducted
by the researchers which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
, the individuals who belong to the twenties not give more interest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
and child. It is
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are become
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their financial position not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
ownself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for their future
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
.

In addition
to this, the adults who have not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of thirties, are not
judiciously
faced the real life situations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, at the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of twenties, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to thorough insights into the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations which enhance their experience about how to handle the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
in their relationships.
For example
, if the adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married in their earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
then at this moment, they do not become able to handle their children together with the divorce chances can
be elevated
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marriage
is a joyful moment which everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
especially
in their dreams. Although, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of thirties can face a few problems related to their soul mates and children,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these problems can be
easily
tackled by acting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
wisely
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Today, many people getting married at the age of thirties and having children rather than marry at teen age. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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