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Today, many people getting married at the age of thirties and having children rather than marry at teen age. Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

Today, many people getting married at the age of thirties and having children rather than marry at teen age. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
A great deal of places in the earth relies on visitors as main source of revenue. Miserably, visitors can also be a source of issues if is not managed rightly. The tourism affected economy as well as native entrepreneur earns money from them also these country’s reputation will be increased. The amount of the tourists could be destroyed some value of the ancient buildings and disturb to their citizens. In my opinion they are more drawbacks than benefits to countries have a lot of tourism. The main advantage of developing tourism boosts their country’s economy and it will reduce country’s unemployments as well as a lot of new jobs will open. The tourists spend money on several services which are hotel, transportation, taxi, food services and medical services. During the tourist season that a large of workshops lack of employments. For example, they need a restaurant worker, tour guides, hotel staff and volunteers. The country, however, has a major tourism, which gave profits. On the other hand it will be a disadvantage such as damaged to ancient buildings and monuments also a lot of tourists can environmental problems. For instance, where the popular and interesting place has crowded it became destroy their natural beauty And people who live-in this area are pushed comfort zone. For example. In Paris some tourist is bullying and person who strange person knocked someone who resident’s door, then ask can I go your restroom etc. The main other disadvantage that is tourism can create a more serious crime situation which is challenging for police works. They are bringing a lot money and expensive cameras and jewel which attracted for robbery. In conclusion, Although a large number of tourism can create negative situations like growth crime rate and environmental problems, but positive things are creating a large number of new jobs for the local people and it increase economy. If the tourist can be gentle it will be benefits of tourism rather than drawbacks.
A great deal of places in the earth relies on visitors as main source of revenue.
Miserably
, visitors can
also
be a source of issues if is not managed
rightly
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
economy
as well
as native entrepreneur earns money from them
also
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
reputation will
be increased
. The amount of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
value of the ancient buildings and disturb to their citizens. In my opinion they are more drawbacks than benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of tourism.

The main advantage of developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
boosts their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
unemployments
as well
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of new jobs will open. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
spend money on several services which are hotel, transportation, taxi, food services and medical services. During the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
season that a large of workshops lack of employments.
For example
, they need a restaurant worker, tour guides, hotel staff and volunteers.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
however
, has a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
, which gave profits.
On the other hand
it will be a disadvantage such as damaged to ancient buildings and monuments
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
can environmental problems.
For instance
, where the popular and interesting place has crowded it became
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their natural beauty

And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
-in this area
are pushed
comfort zone.
For example
. In Paris
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
is bullying and person who strange person knocked someone
Did you mean "who residents"?
who resident’s
door, then ask can I go your restroom etc. The main other disadvantage
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
can create a more serious crime situation which is challenging for police works. They are bringing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
money and expensive cameras and jewel which attracted for robbery.

In conclusion
, Although
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
situations like growth crime rate and environmental problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
things are creating
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
new jobs for the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and it
Did you mean "increases"?
increase
economy.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
can be gentle it will be benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
rather
than drawbacks.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Today, many people getting married at the age of thirties and having children rather than marry at teen age. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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