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Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger Is this a positive or negative development in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development. v.1

Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger Is this a positive or negative development in your opinion? v. 1
Nowadays, a number of individuals would rather procreate and get married when they are thirty and above than below thirties. In my opinion this should be seen as a negative development because it increases the risk of age related abnormalities during pregnancy. I also completely oppose this development as it increases the mortality rate of women within the community. Age related illnesses such as eclampsia, hypertension and heart attack has been found to be prominent among women above the age of thirty. This is because protective hormones usually wear off before the early thirties. A lady, for example, is likely to have a heart attack and many other health related issues in her third decade of life than in her twenties. Thus, resulting in early child bearing as decrease in health problems. The opposition of this trend is due to the increase in morbidity and mortality rates, which are majority seen in women of advanced age. Many recent studies have shown that the more advance a woman’s age is, the more likelihood of injury or death during childbirth, this can be due to hemorrhage. Take for instance, the survey carried out by the World Health Organization, in 2019, which revealed that approximately 80% of deaths during procreation occurred among older women. This lays emphasis on the risk of getting married and giving birth at a much older age. In conclusion, getting married and giving birth at an older age should be discouraged and seen as a negative development as this causes more harm than good.
Nowadays, a number of individuals would
rather
procreate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married when they are thirty and above than below thirties. In my opinion this should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it increases the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
related abnormalities during pregnancy. I
also
completely oppose this development as it increases the mortality rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
within the community.

Age related illnesses such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
eclampsia
, hypertension and heart attack has
been found
to be prominent among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
above the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of thirty. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
protective hormones
usually
wear off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the early thirties. A lady,
for example
, is likely to have a heart attack and
Possible agreement error. The noun health seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much other health", "a good deal of other health".
many other health
related issues in her third decade of life than in her twenties.
Thus
, resulting in early child bearing as decrease in health problems.

The opposition of this trend is due to the increase in morbidity and mortality rates, which are majority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
of advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
recent studies have shown that the more advance a woman’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is, the more likelihood of injury or death during childbirth, this can be due to hemorrhage. Take
for instance
, the survey carried out by the World Health Organization, in 2019, which revealed that approximately 80% of deaths during procreation occurred among older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. This lays emphasis on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of getting married and giving birth at a much older age.

In conclusion
, getting married and giving birth at an older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should
be discouraged
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development as this causes more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, most people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger Is this a positive or negative development in your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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