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Today, many parents force their children to study all kind of courses in their early age. What are the reasons behind this? What effects do you think this practice would bring to the children? v.1

Today, many parents force their children to study all kind of courses in their early age. What are the reasons behind this? What effects do you think this practice would bring to the children? v. 1
In today' s era, parents are mainly focusing on their children to receive good education to bright their future. Not only that, nowadays parents are overwhelmed about their children to participate in extra-cirriculam activities to improve their skills and abilties. One of the most convincing reason that is firstly viewed is asserted that some people think to extravagant spending on their children. Such as athletics, musical instrument coaching, dancing and additional recreational activities as a comparison to their education. As a result, it should be an optimistic outcome for developing and exploring their internal talent. Secondly, certain parents are not thinking about their children and forcing them to get involved in training. As my view is also buoyed in this fact that many parents have indulge their children as viewing other children' s perceptions. This is due to my observation, that the comparison may affect the health and mentally of their children in a stage at early age group. Consequently, it would be a detrimental outcome among focusing a child to enroll in undesirable training which may not be according to their expectations. The trends of both aspects into positive and negative effects are more conventional for parents about their children. Some researchers believes that small age group children' s should be given more freedom and spend their own valuable time. I can cite an example of this. A recent survey by an international education organisation in this matter has revealed an shocking testimony that 55 % of children under small age groups are suffering by a chronic disease such as mental stresses, dilemmas and mental pressure caused by their attitude. In conclusion, I must advisable to guardians that they should concentrate their children and endeavor their education knowledge that it can only rely upon their resume to make a proper future.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
mainly
focusing on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to bright their future. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are overwhelmed
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate in
Possible spelling mistake found.
extra-cirriculam
activities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
abilties
.

One of the most convincing reason
that is
firstly
viewed
is asserted
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to extravagant spending on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Such as athletics, musical instrument coaching, dancing and additional recreational activities as a comparison to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
As a result
, it should be an optimistic outcome for developing and exploring their internal talent.
Secondly
, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not thinking about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and forcing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in training. As my view is
also
buoyed in this fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
Use past participle here: "indulged".
indulge
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as viewing other
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s perceptions. This is due to my observation, that the comparison may affect the health and mentally of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a stage at early age group.
Consequently
, it would be a detrimental outcome among focusing a child to enroll in undesirable training which may not be according to their expectations.

The trends of both aspects into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects are more conventional for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
researchers
You should probably use "believe".
believes
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
age group
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more freedom and spend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
valuable time. I can cite an example of this. A recent survey by an international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
in this matter has revealed
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
shocking testimony that 55 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
age groups are suffering by a chronic disease such as mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
, dilemmas and mental pressure caused by their attitude.

In conclusion
, I
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
must advisable
to guardians that they should concentrate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and endeavor their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
knowledge that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rely upon their resume to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a proper future.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, many parents force their children to study all kind of courses in their early age. What are the reasons behind this? What effects do you think this practice would bring to the children? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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