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Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in country’s police force and military force, such as the army, while other think women are not suitable for this kind of work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in country’s police force and military force, such as the army, while other think women are not suitable for this kind of work. v. 1
There are a lot of discussions around topics that highlight the role of women in our society. With the rise of feminism and emancipation, despite quite an obvious question about the woman’s role in a family, the question about a woman in military forces has also become vital. I stick to the opinion that women should be given a right (or an obligation) to serve their country; however, the essay discusses both views. On the one hand, there are reasons to think that women do not belong to the hostile masculine environment which army is. Many people claim that women are much weaker both psychologically and physically than men. Therefore, the right to serve a country will become not a favour, but a burden. Moreover, in order to carry such a burden a woman need to put the arduous endeavour during her experience in the army and this effort could not be compared to efforts men put. For instance, female soldiers will be demanded to do more exercises in order to get an equal opportunity to take part in military operations. Hence, the urge to equality will only make a gap between men and women deeper and will make the whole situation worse. On the other hand, there are no evidences that women are psychologically and physically weaker because of the natural reasons, but not because society tells them to be weaker. For example, we do not know now whether women continue to be much weaker than men as they are now, if society stops to teach girls that they are created for being wives and mothers. What is more, while society says women are weak and unsuitable for the army, at the same time it gets blind when it comes to those men who are not physically developed enough for military force. Summing up, women should be allowed to serve in armies as far as there are no natural reasons not to let them do so. All the considered modern reasons against women in armies are made by society itself and could be eliminated in future by shifting the perception of women.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Did you mean "discussions about"?
discussions around
topics that highlight the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. With the rise of feminism and emancipation, despite quite an obvious question about the woman’s role in a family, the question about a woman in military forces has
also
become vital. I stick to the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a right (or an obligation) to serve their country;
however
, the essay discusses both views.

On the one hand, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do not belong to the hostile masculine environment which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
is.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weaker
both
psychologically
and
physically
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
Therefore
, the right to serve a country will become not a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a burden.
Moreover
, in order to carry such a burden a woman need to put the arduous
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
during her experience in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
and this effort could not
be compared
to efforts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
put.
For instance
, female soldiers will
be demanded
to do more exercises in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an equal opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in military operations.
Hence
, the urge to equality will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
deeper and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the whole situation worse.

On the other hand
, there are no evidences that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
psychologically
and
physically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weaker
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
them to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weaker
.
For example
, we do not know
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
continue to be much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weaker
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
as they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
to teach girls that they
are created
for being wives and mothers.
What is more
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
says
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are weak and unsuitable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
, at the same time it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
blind when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
who are not
physically
developed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for military force.

Summing up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to serve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armies
as far as there are no natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. All the considered modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
armies
are made
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
itself and could
be eliminated
in future by shifting the perception of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in country’s police force and military force, such as the army, while other think women are not suitable for this kind of work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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