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Today many children spent a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. why is it? mit is a positive or negative development? v.1

Today many children spent a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. why is it? mit is a positive or negative development? v. 1
Technological advancements over the past few years have brought significant changes in our lives. Because of the improved means of communication and travel, people can inhabit and work in any part of the world. In my opinion, these developments offer far more benefits compared to any problems they might bring. Despite the drawbacks below, I believe the latest technology has many positive aspects to offer. Foremost is that this has opened new ways for people in search of a job. Employers are publishing their job vacancies on their website and seeking job applications from people around the globe. Similarly, people residing in one place can apply for job opportunities in other parts of the world. As a result, both employees and employers are gaining benefits from technology. For example, take individuals who were unemployed in their home country; however, with the help of computer and online systems, they were able to secure a job in other countries and consequently, relocated there. Nevertheless, there are a few negative aspects associated with the development of new technology. One problem is the addiction of young people with electronic gadgets. The family members do not sit together and talk any longer. Many people complain about their children that they waste most of their time on social media. According to a survey conducted by Ms. Iqra Ashfaq, a social activist, on average, an individual spends eight hours a day using the mobile phone. In conclusion, admittedly, there are some drawbacks to new technology, such as addicts. However, it has much more to offer on the positive side, and new employment opportunities are one of them.
Technological advancements over the past few years have brought significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
means of communication and travel,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can inhabit and work in any part of the world. In my opinion, these developments offer far more benefits compared to any problems they might bring.

Despite the drawbacks below, I believe the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects to offer. Foremost is that this has opened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ways for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in search of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Employers are publishing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
vacancies on their website and seeking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
applications from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the globe.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
residing in one place can apply for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities in other parts of the world.
As a result
, both employees and employers are gaining benefits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
For example
, take individuals who
were unemployed
in their home country;
however
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of computer and online systems, they were able to secure a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in other countries and
consequently
, relocated there.

Nevertheless
, there are a few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects associated with the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. One problem is the addiction of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with electronic gadgets. The family members do not sit together and talk any longer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
complain about their children that they waste most of their time on social media. According to a survey conducted by Ms.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Iqra
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ashfaq
, a social activist, on average, an individual spends eight hours a day using the mobile phone.

In conclusion
,
admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, such as addicts.
However
, it has much more to offer on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
employment opportunities are one of them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Today many children spent a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. why is it? mit is a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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