Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? v.1

Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1
In the recent days, teenagers waste much time to keep their eyes glued into computer games and lack of time to work-out. I do believe that this growth is negative due to the drawbacks which have been brought to human life. It becomes apparent that some computer games involve killing people as well as committing crimes, which makes children enter into fantasy worlds and new lives. To be more specific, children are likely to manage their life without putting in charge in the factual world. As a result, its certain reason causing the enjoyment of teenager does not keen on doing different activities, especially sports. But last not least, it is true that child tends to isolate with the out space due to the interference of discrimination. In fact, young people feel inferior and awkward, as they make a fault and fail through during the sport-time period. In addition, this issue will lead to many drawbacks of the grown-up children. It is undoubted that one evident weakness of each young person is that would influence in physical health. In other words, looking at the screen makes student feel tired and depressed, immensely causing the distraction of search and study. Furthermore, children will copy the ideal model in the game environment; hence, their characters are also affected by violent trends rather than improving a better health from daily sport. Therefore, spending much time for electric games create a big risks for people. In conclusion, this development shows effects on negative side. There are minus points regarding health as well as study in children.
In the recent days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
waste much time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their eyes glued into computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and lack of time to work-out. I do believe that this growth is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
due to the drawbacks which have
been brought
to human life.

It becomes apparent that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
involve killing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
as committing crimes, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enter into fantasy worlds and new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. To be more specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to manage their life without putting in charge in the factual world.
As a result
, its certain reason causing the enjoyment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
does not keen on doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities,
especially
sports.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
last not least, it is true that child tends to isolate with the out space due to the interference of discrimination. In fact, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel inferior and awkward, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a fault and fail through during the sport-time period.

In addition
, this issue will lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks of the grown-up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It
is undoubted
that one evident weakness of each young person is that would influence in physical health.
In other words
, looking at the screen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
student feel tired and depressed,
immensely
causing the distraction of search and study.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will copy the ideal model in the game environment;
hence
, their characters are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by violent trends
rather
than improving a better health from daily sport.
Therefore
, spending much time for electric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, this development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
effects on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side. There are minus points regarding health
as well
as study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts