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Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? v.3

Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 3
In this modern era, there are a number of children have a tendency to prefer spending most of their leisure time on playing computer games rather than outdoor activities. This essay will discuss some possible reasons for the issue, and how it influences on children’s development. To begin with, the widespread popularity of computers and smart devices may take the most responsibility for this tendency. Obviously, with the quick development of technology, computer games are increasing in terms of quality and quantity. In other words, those games become more addictive with higher resolution and compelling game stories, which captivates a variety of players all over the world. Regarding the benefits of playing games on the computer, it mainly helps children to promote some valuable skills. For example, the game Dota is well-known because it is the most successful team game that creates amazing virtual battles and requires players in each team to cooperate perfectly in order to win the match. Therefore, children played this game can perceive the powerful strength created when people unite together. In addition, there are also several drawbacks of youngsters’ preference for playing video games. Apparently, spending many hours on those games is synonymous with a lack of physical activities, which can cause some adverse effects on children’s health such as obesity or eye problems. Moreover, those juveniles can also be rude and brutal as a result of playing too much violent computer games. In conclusion, the trend of spending a large amount of time to play computer games in children is primarily because of technological development. While there are some positive aspects of this tendency regarding acquiring helpful skills, I reckon that its negative aspects can be harmful to children in terms of health and characteristics.
In this modern era, there are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a tendency to prefer spending most of their leisure time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than outdoor activities. This essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible reasons for the issue, and how it influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the widespread popularity of computers and smart devices may take the most responsibility for this tendency.
Obviously
, with the quick development of technology, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are increasing in terms of quality and quantity.
In other words
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
become more addictive with higher resolution and compelling game stories, which captivates a variety of players all over the world.

Regarding the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on the computer, it
mainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to promote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, the game
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dota
is well-known
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the most successful team game that creates amazing virtual battles and requires players in each team to cooperate
perfectly
in order to win the match.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
played this game can perceive the powerful strength created when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
unite together.

In addition
, there are
also
several drawbacks of youngsters’ preference for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Apparently
, spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is synonymous with a lack of physical activities, which can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adverse effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
health such as obesity or eye problems.
Moreover
, those juveniles can
also
be rude and brutal
as a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
too much violent computer games.

In conclusion
, the trend of spending a large amount of time to play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
primarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of technological development. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of this tendency regarding acquiring helpful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, I reckon that its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects can be harmful to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in terms of health and characteristics.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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