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Nowadays, females are being recruited in armed forces and security agencies whereas these sort of jobs are traditionally fixed fro male genders. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Nowadays, females are being recruited in armed forces and security agencies whereas these sort of jobs are traditionally fixed fro male genders. v. 1
In this era of technology, children are at a high level of diseases which are related to the well- being or lack of nutrition. I agree that inadequate attention towards fitness issues is a neglecting factor by institution is a major factor which contributes to poor health of kids. Firstly, it would be great if the educational institution pays more attention in imparting knowledge on healthcare to young ones. To start, young children come to know the importance of preventive health care measures at a tender age. Next, they will adopt healthy habits which will benefit them as they can perform better at school in both academic and co-curricular activities. Second, they stay away from diseases which can reduce the absenteeism at school. Moreover, they do not need to visit doctors frequently; this is indeed helpful for parents and the government because the spending on child health care can be reduced. Finally, today's healthy child is tomorrow's citizen; therefore, society will be full of healthier people. This is beneficial as healthier societies can grow better and can lead happier lives. On top of it, they give this heritage to their coming generations and hence, one can expect a disease free world in future. However, some people say that centre of learning is already having a lot of the burden of teaching academic, sports, arts and other co-curricular subjects. Therefore, they cannot spend more time in imparting the health education among young generation. To conclude, I completely agree with the notion that educational centres should place health education at a higher priority level as healthier kids are the true founders of tomorrow's healthier community.
In this era of technology, children are at a high level of diseases which
are related
to the well- being or lack of nutrition. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that inadequate attention towards fitness issues is a neglecting factor by institution is a major factor which contributes to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of kids.

Firstly
, it would be great if the educational institution pays more attention in imparting knowledge on healthcare to young ones. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, young children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know the importance of preventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care measures at a tender age.
Next
, they will adopt healthy habits which will benefit them as they can perform better at school in both academic and co-curricular activities. Second, they stay away from diseases which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the absenteeism at school.
Moreover
, they do not need to visit doctors
frequently
; this is
indeed
helpful for parents and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the spending on child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

Finally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's healthy child is tomorrow's citizen;
therefore
, society will be full of healthier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This is beneficial as healthier societies can grow better and can lead happier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. On top of it, they give this heritage to their coming generations and
hence
, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
a disease free world
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of learning is already having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
the burden of teaching academic, sports, arts and other co-curricular subjects.
Therefore
, they cannot spend more time in imparting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education among young generation.

To conclude
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion that educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
should place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education at a higher priority level as healthier kids are the true founders of tomorrow's healthier community.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Nowadays, females are being recruited in armed forces and security agencies whereas these sort of jobs are traditionally fixed fro male genders. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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