Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development. v.9

Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development. v. 9
There exist endless debates how youngster spend a large amount of time to playing video game while they are spend a little amount of time on sport. Some people claim that playing video game help their brain more develop. I am in favour of the view that positive for the youth First and foremost it is believe that playing video game make their kid more lazy. This is because in the era of modernization youngster has tendency to play video game than take part in sport. As a result not only video game is a kind of game to reduce stress after workout but also it is likely a sport game events. In addition many company produce that events such as garena. It is easy to see that game is the most popular trend in the globe. For instance young inhabitants argue that playing sport is behind the time and not suitable for the trend in the world. Even if they play sport, they would lazy and do not have enough skill in it cause they spend a great amount of time to play On the other hand, another factor to consider is take part in games will make their brains are no longer active than before. In addition youngster can not control their behavior. A great example for this would be a large number of children who crazy about that stuff, they can fight and punches to each other about video games content. furthermore some video games are include adults content on it so if the government public the law that require legal age in games, i believe that figure will be decline. To conclude, i strongly argue that government need to figure out for the vital role of games. In addition spending to much time in game make harmful for the youth so it is clearly to see that it can be negative trend for the world.
There exist endless debates how youngster spend a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game while they are
Consider using a past participle here: "spent".
spend
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their brain more develop. I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the view that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
youth


First
and foremost it is
Consider using a past participle here: "believed".
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their kid more lazy. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the era of modernization youngster has tendency to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
As a result
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game is a kind of game to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
after workout
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it is likely a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
game
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "event"?
events
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
produce that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
garena
. It is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that game is the most popular trend in the globe.
For instance
young inhabitants argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and not suitable for the trend in the world. Even if they play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, they would lazy and do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in it
Did you mean "because they"?
cause they
spend a great amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
play


On the other hand
, another factor to consider is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their brains are no longer active than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
youngster can not control their behavior. A great example for this would be
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
children
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a crazy".
who crazy
about that stuff, they can fight and punches to each other about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
content.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
furthermore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are include adults content on it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
public the law that require legal age in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that figure will be decline.

To conclude
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
strongly
argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to figure out for the vital role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
spending
Did you mean "too"?
to
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
harmful for the youth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
clearly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend for the world.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Mistakes

IELTS essay Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts