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Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? v.4

Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 4
In a world full of technology, we see a lot of kids continuously in front of their computer screens, playing games. There are various types of games available and a variety of options to choose from. There is a facility of online gaming as well if you don't want to spend money on purchasing one. When I was a kid, I remember I used to wait for vacations so I could play outdoor sports and games with my friends. I believe the main reason why children choose to play computer games is that parents are not attentive. They are either working or too busy to look after their kids. Further, parents keep kids busy with various classes that they do not have time for outdoor activities. Kids have access to various technological devices and playing games on them is more convenient than going outside. Sometimes they don't have a company and end up playing multiplayer games. One recent example is the game - PUBG, which is the talk of the town. Kids are highly addicted to this game and it is popular because you can play with your friends. In my opinion, computer games are a negative development. However, to say, there are a few benefits as well. Research shows that computer games help a kid become more attentive, alert and improves concentration. But the negative overpower the positive, playing excessive computer games cause adverse effects on a person's health. Playing outdoor games/sports has its benefits and provides a great source of refreshment after studying for hours. It not only helps in boosting one's stamina, but keeps one fit. These benefits are lost in computer gaming. To conclude, I think playing computer games for a little time is fine, but I would always prefer playing a sport as it has various health benefits.
In a world full of technology, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
continuously
in front of their computer screens,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
available and a variety of options to choose from. There is a facility of online gaming
as well
if you don't want to spend money on purchasing one. When I was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
, I remember I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to wait for vacations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I could play outdoor sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with my friends.

I believe the main reason why children choose to play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is that parents are not attentive. They are either working or too busy to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
Further
, parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
busy with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
classes that they do not have time for outdoor activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
have access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
technological devices and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on them is more convenient than going outside.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they don't have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
multiplayer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. One recent example is the game
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
PUBG, which is the talk of the town.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
are
highly
addicted to this game and it is popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you can play with your friends.

In my opinion, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.
However
, to say, there are a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
as well
. Research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
become more attentive, alert and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
concentration.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
overpower the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
excessive computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
cause adverse effects on a person's health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Playing
outdoor games/sports has its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and provides a great source of refreshment after studying for hours. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in boosting one's stamina,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
one fit. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
are lost
in computer gaming.

To conclude
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time is fine,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would always prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a sport as it has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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