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TOEFL Independent Writing Task - IIQuestion: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. B v.1

TOEFL Independent Writing Task - IIQuestion: People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. B v. 1
I agree with the statement that people would be benefitted more if they travelled within their own country because it gives a very good opportunity to understand and see our own country and understand the cultures and traditions from different regions of a country. This helps us to build tolerance, respect, and mutual admiration about our own people who are needed the most at the time of trouble or problems in our country. First of all, domestic travel is a great way to support our internal economy and to make sure that tourism thrives in our country. Because of the increased travel within the country, the local communities get support from their own countrymen who visit them. This in turn, ensures that tour guides, shops selling handicrafts and souvenirs do not have to depend on rich foreigners. Therefore, it augurs very well for the people engaged in tourism. Similarly, the domestic travel can be made cheaper for the visitors. As they are in their own country, they will have a general sense of costs; security, transportation etc. and the travellers need not worry about many things. In my opinion, it helps to ensure the mental peace to the travellers. Secondly, while travelling in foreign countries, we may see many new things but we may not be able to remember them all for a long time because some of the exotic things may be unrelated to our lives. Sometimes, it is difficult to appreciate and make sense of some of the foreign arts, or culture as they are completely new to us. For example, some of the traditions followed by tribal or native people from another country may not make any sense to a foreign visitor. In such situations, the whole trip may be boring and unexciting and the traveller may not be able to enjoy at all. In contrast to that, we tend to understand and relate many things from our own country. That’s why travelling within one’s own country can be more enjoyable, and exciting. In my conclusion, I would like to state that travellers can benefit a lot by travelling within their country as they get an excellent opportunity to witness some of the pearls from their own country and chance to make their travelling memorable.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be
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benefitted
more if they travelled within their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives a
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very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity to understand and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and understand the cultures and traditions from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
regions of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to build tolerance, respect, and mutual admiration about our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are needed
the most at the time of trouble or problems in our country.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, domestic travel is a great way to support our internal economy and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure that tourism thrives in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the increased travel within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the local communities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
support from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
countrymen who visit them. This in turn, ensures that tour guides, shops selling handicrafts and souvenirs do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
depend on rich foreigners.
Therefore
, it augurs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
engaged in tourism.
Similarly
, the domestic travel can
be made
cheaper for the visitors. As they are in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they will have a general sense of costs; security, transportation etc. and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
need not worry about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things. In my opinion, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to ensure the mental peace to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
.

Secondly
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, we may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we may not be able to remember them all for a long time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
exotic things may
be unrelated
to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, it is difficult to appreciate and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sense of
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
foreign arts, or culture as they are completely new to us.
For example
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
traditions followed by tribal or native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
may not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
any sense to a foreign visitor. In such situations, the whole trip may be boring and unexciting and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
may not be able to enjoy at all.
In contrast
to that, we tend to understand and relate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things from our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. That’s why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
within one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can be more enjoyable, and exciting.

In my conclusion, I would like to state that
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
can benefit a lot by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
within their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an excellent opportunity to witness
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
pearls from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
memorable.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay TOEFL Independent Writing Task - IIQuestion: People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. B v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
378 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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