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Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? v.7

Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 7
These days, a vast number of youngsters are found to spend huge amount of time on virtual games rather than, outdoor activities. This essay will explain the root cause of this situation and furthermore, will express how this is a negative growth. The Fundamental reason why children prefer gaming applications over a sport is because they provide a thrilling experience. Although these games are virtual, the 3d visualizations in these games make them believe that the gaming environment is real and thereby, make them addicted. For example, It is reported by NDTV that, children who play, one of the popular games nowadays, called "Pub G" are involved into the game so much, that, they do not realize that they have crossed 6 hours per day limit. Excessively spending time on such games is definitely detrimental for youngsters. Children are deteriorating health and losing their precious time that could be utilised in future building skills. Moreover, they are unable to perform well in academics as they are not mentally and physically prepared for the examinations. For instance, when a survey was conducted by an educational consulting organisation, to understand the impact of such games on students grades, it was found that 95% of students who do not play such games passed in all the subjects. On the contrary, only 30% of students who play such games have managed to clear all academic subjects. In conclusion, these days, children are spending a larger amount of time playing online computer games than outdoor activities, due to an element such as thrill. This is potentially leading to adverse ramifications.
These days, a vast number of youngsters
are found
to spend huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
rather
than, outdoor activities. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the root cause of this situation and
furthermore
, will express how this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
growth.

The Fundamental reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefer gaming applications over a sport is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they provide a thrilling experience. Although these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are virtual, the 3d visualizations in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them believe that the gaming environment is real and thereby,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them addicted.
For example
, It
is reported
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
NDTV
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who play, one of the popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
nowadays, called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Pub G
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
are involved
into the game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much, that, they do not realize that they have crossed 6 hours per day limit.

Excessively
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is definitely detrimental for youngsters.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are deteriorating health and losing their precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that could be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
in future building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
, they are unable to perform well in academics as they are not mentally and
physically
prepared for the examinations.
For instance
, when a survey
was conducted
by an educational consulting
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
, to understand the impact of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on students grades, it
was found
that 95% of students who do not play such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
passed in all the subjects.
On the contrary
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
30% of students who play such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have managed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
all academic subjects.

In conclusion
, these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are spending a larger amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing online computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
than outdoor activities, due to an element such as thrill. This is
potentially
leading to adverse ramifications.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. Why is it? Is it a positive or negative development? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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