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Computers are now the basis of the modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms, and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. However, dependence on computers in teaching may carry a certain degree of risk to students. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.2

Computers are now the basis of the modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms, and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. However, dependence on computers in teaching may carry a certain degree of risk to students. v. 2
The integration of computers into classes, and teaching methods have been a controversial subject for well over a decade. Many people believe that computers are essential and must be used in classrooms, while others argue that using computers have some negative effects that cannot be neglected. This essay will discuss both view points as well as explain why utilising computers is a necessity. On the one hand, involving computers in classrooms and for teaching goals will help students be computer-illiterate as well as teach them how to synthesise research. To put it in simpler terms, pupils who are used to explore scientific websites are better equipped to differentiate between facts and false arguments and they are better suited for our modern world. In the USA, for instance, a majority of students are autonomous learners due to the high usage of laptops, PC, and mobile phones in the learning process. In today's world, pupils are required to know basic computer skills which can be only taught by integrating it in their lives. On the other hand, depending on computers from a young age has hazardous effects and may result in detrimental situations. In other words, a high usage of computers makes youngsters have a sedentary lifestyle. Which in turn, will increase obesity rates, backbone deformation, and isolation. For example, an average USA student tends to sit in front of a computer no less than 3 hours in which he may order fast food that is rich in saturated fats and sugars. In general, some detrimental health issues may arise from longer computer sessions because of the incorporation of computers in a student's life. In conclusion, it is indubitable that computers have damaging results which might increase if laptops are used by students. However, we cannot ignore the fact that in this era an illiterate is the one that does not know how to use computers, or figure out which argument is right and which is false. I believe that using a computer is necessary in one's life because of how important it is and the fact that most issues can be avoided by raising awareness.
The integration of computers into classes, and teaching methods have been a controversial subject for well over a decade.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that computers are essential and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in classrooms, while others argue that using computers have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects that cannot
be neglected
. This essay will discuss both view points
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
computers is a necessity.

On the one hand, involving computers in classrooms and for teaching goals will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
be computer-illiterate
as well
as teach them how to
Possible spelling mistake. 'synthesise' is British English.
synthesise
research. To put it in simpler terms, pupils who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to explore scientific websites are better equipped to differentiate between facts and false
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
arguments and
they are better suited for our modern world. In the USA,
for instance
, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are autonomous learners due to the high usage of laptops, PC, and mobile phones in the learning process. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, pupils
are required
to know basic computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
taught by integrating it in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the other hand
, depending on computers from a young age has hazardous effects and may result in detrimental situations.
In other words
, a high usage of computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
youngsters have a sedentary lifestyle. Which in turn, will increase obesity rates, backbone deformation, and isolation.
For example
, an average USA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
tends to sit in front of a computer no less than 3 hours in which he may order
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food
that is
rich in saturated fats and sugars.
In general
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental health issues may arise from longer computer sessions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the incorporation of computers in a student's life.

In conclusion
, it is indubitable that computers have damaging results which might increase if laptops are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the fact that in this era an illiterate is the one that does not know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers, or figure out which argument is right and which is false. I believe that using a computer is necessary in one's life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
it is and the fact that most issues can
be avoided
by raising awareness.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Computers are now the basis of the modern world. They should therefore be introduced into classrooms, and their programs used for direct teaching purposes. However, dependence on computers in teaching may carry a certain degree of risk to students. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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