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A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.36

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. with this opinion? v. 36
In the modern era of cut throat competition, where people are burning their midnight oil to earn good livelihood for their families, values and ethics have lost their importance. I totally agree that ethics and values are very important in one's life and it shows the environment in which we bought up. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the coin before any conclusion can be drawn. Firstly, ethics and values hold great importance in life, both personally and professionally. Nowadays, people are being judged by their social status, instead of their values of life. For example, we Indians are very religious by nature, but in daily life we forget our values for little gains. Values are those acts we learn in our childhood from our parents and relatives. It means understanding other people's emotions and respecting their culture and lives. Also, no business and profession can progress without trust, values and ethics. All your degrees and certificates make no sense, if you do not know how to respect other people. Furthermore, good ethics and values depicts your country, culture and heritage. For example, Indians are famous in international countries for their customs and values, such as how we touch our parent's feet in the morning etc. Secondly, some people think that no business and profession is possible these days, while maintaining old values and traditions. Young generation has failed miserably in preserving those old values. Some of the old traditions have gone obsolete and inappropriate in today's world and a new set of traditions should be created instead. Our education system plays an important role in a child's development and values should be taught to them in early stages. For example, it was widely held belief that students should respect their teachers, but now teachers can not even scold students for their mistakes. To conclude, people with good values and ethics automatically attract people towards them. It shows that you belong to a good family and brought up in the healthy environment. It is truly said that the aim of education is the knowledge not of facts, but values.
In the modern era of
'cut throat' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "cut-throat".
cut throat
competition, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are burning their midnight oil to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
livelihood for their families, values and ethics have lost their importance. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that ethics and values are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the environment in which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
up. In this essay, we will discuss both sides of the coin
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any conclusion can
be drawn
.

Firstly
, ethics and values hold great importance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, both
personally
and
professionally
. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
being judged
by their social status,
instead
of their values of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, we Indians are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
religious by nature,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
we forget our values for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
gains. Values are those acts we learn in our childhood from our parents and relatives. It means understanding other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's emotions and respecting their culture and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Also
, no business and profession can progress without trust, values and ethics. All your degrees and certificates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
no sense, if you do not know how to respect other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
ethics and values depicts your country, culture and heritage.
For example
, Indians are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in international countries for their customs and values, such as how we touch our parent's feet in the morning etc.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that no business and profession is possible these days, while maintaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
values and traditions. Young generation has failed
miserably
in preserving those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
values.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
traditions have gone obsolete and inappropriate in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world and a new set of traditions should
be created
instead
. Our education system plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in a child's development and values should
be taught
to them in early stages.
For example
, it was
widely
held belief that students should respect their teachers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
teachers can not even scold students for their mistakes.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
values and ethics
automatically
attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards them. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that you belong to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
family and brought up in the healthy environment. It is
truly
said that the aim of education is the knowledge not of facts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
values.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. with this opinion? v. 36

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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