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Scientists agree that people are harming their health by eating too much fat food. Some people think that the solution to this problem is to make people aware of the problems. Others think education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Scientists agree that people are harming their health by eating too much fat food. Some people think that the solution to this problem is to make people aware of the problems. Others think education will not work. v. 3
Obesity and health issues have become very common these days due to the regular consumption of junk food by many people, even scientists agree to this fact. Some argue that conducting awareness campaigns by the government can help to overcome this problem, however others believe that it will not be of much help. In my opinion, creating awareness is crucial, but that alone cannot bring in the change, imposing strict law to clamp down the junk food will help. On the one hand, most people lead a hectic life these days, due to the current economic situation and to keep up their living standards. Both men and women population are going for a job, therefore they really don’t find enough time to prepare healthy and balanced diet at home. So they tend to buy more food outside, for them, fast food is a quick and affordable option. Though they knew that it is not a healthy option, they go for it just because it’s convenient for them. Educating these sort of people will be of no help. Instead, we should create more opportunities to buy a healthy food for a cheaper rate. For example, in our state, our Chief Minister opened a chain of restaurants called “Amma restaurant”, which sells all healthy south Indian food for a very minimal cost, similar restaurants should be opened across the state for the ease of people. On the other hand, some people are eating fat foods unknowingly, without the awareness about the ingredients used to prepare them. Restaurants and cake shops are using many cancer causing agents for improvising a catchy colour in their items, just to attract children and grown ups. Awareness should be created in these cases via Television programmes, social media etc. For instance, a famous doctor named Shivaram was sharing his research results in various forums regarding the cancer causing agents that are added in “Parotta” to provide the required fluffiness. After hearing this many people have changed their mindset to avoid eating that particular food from their menu. Furthermore, the government should impose laws to control the sale of junk food in various places, including roadside shops, also severe punishment should be announced if they use banned ingredients in the preparation of food products and eatables. In conclusion, it is high time to take necessary measures to bring back the population towards a healthy lifestyle. It’s going to be very dangerous for the younger generation, if the current situation continues this way.
Obesity and health issues have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common these days due to the regular consumption of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, even scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this fact.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that conducting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
campaigns by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to overcome this problem,
however
others believe that it will not be of much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. In my opinion, creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
is crucial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that alone cannot bring in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, imposing strict law to clamp down the junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

On the one hand, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lead a hectic life these days, due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
economic situation and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up their living standards. Both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women population are going for a job,
therefore
they
really
don’t find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and balanced diet at home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outside, for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is a quick and affordable option. Though they knew that it is not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
option, they go for it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it’s convenient for them. Educating
Did you mean "this sort" or "these sorts"?
these sort
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be of no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Instead
, we should create more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for a cheaper rate.
For example
, in our state, our Chief Minister opened a chain of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
called “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amma
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant”
, which sells all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
south Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
minimal cost, similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
should
be opened
across the state for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are eating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
unknowingly
, without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
awareness
about the ingredients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to prepare them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Restaurants
and cake shops are using
Possible agreement error. The noun cancer seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much cancer", "a good deal of cancer".
many cancer
causing agents for improvising a catchy
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
in their items,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to attract children and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
grown ups
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Awareness
should
be created
in these cases via Television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, social media etc.
For instance
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
doctor named
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shivaram
was sharing his research results in various forums regarding the cancer causing agents that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Parotta
” to provide the required fluffiness.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
hearing this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their mindset to avoid eating that particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from their menu.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose laws to control the sale of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in various places, including roadside shops,
also
severe punishment should
be announced
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
banned ingredients in the preparation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
products and eatables.

In conclusion
, it is high time to take necessary measures to bring back the population towards a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle. It’s going to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the younger generation, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation continues this way.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientists agree that people are harming their health by eating too much fat food. Some people think that the solution to this problem is to make people aware of the problems. Others think education will not work. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
414 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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