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The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies than on positive developments is harm to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies than on positive developments is harm to the individuals and the society as a whole. v. 1
It is stated that the recent coverages have negative influence because they are concentrating on urgent issues while ignoring the upsides. From my point of view, I totally disapprove of this statement. Admittedly, mainly reporting the bright sides of social harmony and technology progress would boost the viewers’ confidence in the community and local government. It is true that the residents would have the sense of fulfilment and satisfaction if they are surrounded by pleasant reports. This positive attitude may also contribute to a harmonious living environment when only the bright aspects are reported by the mass media. Nevertheless, the argument above cannot be completely justified. Without the up-to-the-minute local news regarding incidents, such as serious gunfire nearby, the locals would not be warned the danger of leaving their houses, thus, saving their lives. Besides, it was the Amber alert that helped police found the abducted children and arrested the suspects immediately. On the other hand, reports relating to social crisis and natural disasters are crucial for people to live a better life. Initially, urgent news notification can improve residents’ wellbeing. This is because when the press covers the recent damages worldwide, the general public can provide humanitarian or financial support to those in affected areas in time, thereby alleviating locals’ suffering. For example, the news broadcasted about the earthquake happened in Haiti promoted the awareness of the environmental crisis globally, so that the Haitian received immediate rescue and funding, thereby helping them getting through difficulties. Therefore, urgent news is crucial locally as well as globally. As previously discussed, although people might feel satisfied with good news. It is more essential to cover the incidents, which will be beneficial not only to the local residents but also to the whole society.
It
is stated
that the recent coverages have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are concentrating on urgent issues while ignoring the upsides. From my point of view, I
totally
disapprove of this statement.

Admittedly
,
mainly
reporting the bright sides of social harmony and technology progress would boost the viewers’ confidence in the community and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. It is true that the residents would have the sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
and satisfaction if they
are surrounded
by pleasant reports. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude may
also
contribute to a harmonious living environment when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the bright aspects
are reported
by the mass media.
Nevertheless
, the argument above cannot be completely justified. Without the up-to-the-minute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
regarding incidents, such as serious gunfire nearby, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
would not
be warned
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of leaving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
,
thus
, saving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Besides
, it was the Amber alert that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
police found the abducted children and arrested the suspects immediately.

On the other hand
, reports relating to social crisis and natural disasters are crucial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better life.
Initially
, urgent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
notification can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
residents’
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when the press covers the recent damages worldwide, the
Consider using "public".
general public
can provide humanitarian or financial support to those in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
areas in time, thereby alleviating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals’
suffering.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
broadcasted about the earthquake happened in Haiti promoted the awareness of the environmental crisis globally,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the Haitian received immediate rescue and funding, thereby helping them
The verb 'funding' is used with an infinitive: "to get" or "get".
getting
through difficulties.
Therefore
, urgent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is crucial
locally
as well
as globally.

As previously discussed, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might feel satisfied with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. It is more essential to cover the incidents, which will be beneficial not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to the whole society.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
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IELTS essay The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies than on positive developments is harm to the individuals and the society as a whole. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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