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As countries develop, people tend to buy more and more cars. Do you thing the advantages for the individual outweigh the disadvantages for the environment? v.1

As countries develop, people tend to buy more and more cars. Do you thing the advantages for the individual outweigh the disadvantages for the environment? v. 1
Due to the change in the lifestyle, people are evolving themselves from two wheelers to the automobiles. Some are of the opinion that it has more benefits and is making their life convenient. I partially accord with this notion. To embark on, there are umpteen factors why purchasing the cars is beneficial. Primarily, the travelling to different places becomes easier when individuals have their own vehicles rather than going on public transport. It helps in managing their time and is more comfortable. For example, When going on any vacation with family especially the kids, as, taking stops in between the journey becomes easier, which is very cumbersome on the bus. Another reason is that, in the current scenario, there are a plethora of fuel efficient cars available which becomes economical when commuting on the daily basis, rather, spending money on using a taxi service. Sometimes, taxis are not available in the case of any emergency and the cost also becomes double when one has to hire a cab service regularly. For example, the cab service providers such as Uber always surge their prices during the peak hours which are generally the office hours and users have to pay more than the standard amount. However, owning a four wheeler provides myriad advantages, there are also multifarious harmful effects on our atmosphere. Currently, almost every household is having at-least one car and as a result, the traffic is increasing day by day, which is the main source of pollution. The humans do not clean the smoke filters of their vehicles and let the poisonous gases emitted into the sky. For example, In cities such as Delhi, Mumbai, the quality of air is deteriorating due to dangerous smoke transmitting from the vehicles. To conclude, although their are some negatives of the cars, the positives outshine them. As, they are not only the cause of environmental problems, still, it is the duty of human beings to buy more energy saving cars rather than fuel cars. In this way, the natural resources can also be saved from depleting.
Due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the lifestyle,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are evolving themselves from
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
two wheelers
to the automobiles.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are of the opinion that it has more benefits and is making their life convenient. I
partially
accord with this notion.

To embark on, there are umpteen factors why purchasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is beneficial.
Primarily
, the travelling to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
easier when individuals have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles
rather
than going on public transport. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in managing their time and is more comfortable.
For example
, When going on any vacation with family
especially
the kids, as, taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
in between the journey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
easier, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
cumbersome on the bus. Another reason is that, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario, there are a plethora of fuel efficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
available which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
economical when commuting on the daily basis,
rather
, spending money on using a taxi service.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, taxis are not available in the case of any emergency and the cost
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
double when one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
hire a cab service
regularly
.
For example
, the cab service providers such as Uber always surge their prices during the peak hours which are
generally
the office hours and users
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay more than the standard amount.

However
, owning a
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
four wheeler
provides myriad advantages, there are
also
multifarious harmful effects on our atmosphere.
Currently
, almost every household is having at-least one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
and
as a result
, the traffic is increasing day by day, which is the main source of pollution. The humans do not clean the smoke filters of their vehicles and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the poisonous gases emitted into the sky.
For example
, In cities such as Delhi, Mumbai, the quality of air is deteriorating due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
smoke transmitting from the vehicles.

To conclude
, although
Did you mean "there"?
their
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
negatives of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, the positives outshine them. As, they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the cause of environmental problems,
still
, it is the duty of human beings to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more energy saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
rather
than fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. In this way, the natural resources can
also
be saved
from depleting.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay As countries develop, people tend to buy more and more cars. Do you thing the advantages for the individual outweigh the disadvantages for the environment? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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