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More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem? v.1

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 1
It is crystal clear that, many of the dangerous animals are about going extinct, while others are being threatened out of existence. This essay would discuss threats, fear and poor government policies as causes, and suggest how good orientation with better governments policies as solutions to this unfortunate trend. Some of the wild animals like dragons, dinosaur, lions and tigers to mention but a few are about going extinct. This is because, humans see them only as enemies and threat, forgetting other sides of being useful in one way or the other. This made them resort to killing them, even without provocation. For example, lions have killed up to 500 people in the Asians in the last 5 years. Also, governments of many nations have no clues of how these creatures could be useful to human race. So, they have no laws preserving them. For example, reports from zoology department of Obafemi Awolowo University revealed in 2001 that these wild animals have gone extinct in the southwest Nigeria. There are however, some possible ways out this ugly development. First of all, people should be well informed that these animals though dangerous, but needed to be preserved and not see them as sources of food all the time. Furthermore, government should promulgate a law to have a zoological garden where these risky beasts are kept for both research and income purposes from Tourists. For example, in some Asian countries, they have Zoos that people travel from far and near to see these threatened-creatures. In summary, while these wild animals have reduced in number, others are been threatened. This is caused by dangers they pose to the populace and government's poor actions or reservations, however, adequate having good reserve for them and governments will will curb the menace.
It is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are about going extinct, while others are
being threatened
out of existence. This essay would discuss threats, fear and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
policies as causes, and suggest how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
orientation with better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
policies as solutions to this unfortunate trend.

If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
like dragons, dinosaur, lions and tigers to mention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few are about going extinct. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
as enemies and threat, forgetting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sides of being useful in one way or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. This made them resort to killing them, even without provocation.
For example
, lions have killed up to 500
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the Asians in the last 5 years.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations have no clues of how these creatures could be useful to human race.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they have no laws preserving them.
For example
, reports from zoology department of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Obafemi
Possible spelling mistake found.
Awolowo
University revealed in 2001 that these wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have gone extinct in the southwest Nigeria.

There are
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible ways out this ugly development.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well informed
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
needed to
be preserved
and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them as sources of food all the time.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should promulgate a law to have a zoological garden where these risky beasts are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
for both research and income purposes from Tourists.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Asian countries, they have Zoos that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travel from far and near to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these threatened-creatures.

In summary, while these wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in number, others
are been
threatened. This
is caused
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
they pose to the populace and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's poor actions or reservations,
however
, adequate having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reserve for them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
Possible typo: you repeated a word
will will
curb the menace.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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