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Today large shopping centers and supermarkets are more common than small local shops. Is this a negative or positive development? v.2

Today large shopping centers and supermarkets are more common than small local shops. Is this a negative or positive development? v. 2
Accompanying with the globalisation worldwide, a growing number of both shopping mall and supermarket are expanding dramatically few decades ago. This tendency draw back not only positive returns but also negative effects to inhabitant lives at all aspects. Debating about positive perspectives of this trend, it could be inclusive how beneficial the development of department and convenient stores bring to its nation such as more employments are created, increasing tax collection, contributing to GDP growing. Additionally, more concentrated goods in a large store is extremely convenient without a need to looking for in each local stores, saving times for swamping person alway go home late at night. On top of that, membership is run by those retailer owners to encourage to shopping more frequent. Customers are likely offered with weekly discount programmes as well as accumulate points to deduct directly in their membership card. On the other hand, the fast development of those modernise stores are also leading to some considerable impacts to lives. People who business a local shop have to compete intensely with centralise systematic stores in a chain, unfairly, they could not win the competition and lose income gradually. Moreover, most of shopping centres are built in courtyard where is a bit far away from centre to guarantee in which they can be selling a diversify of categories and warehouse sufficiently for storage. Meaning, a multitude of trees have to be cultivated for building. Operation such large stores like that also consume an enormous amount of electronic and water which are friendly with environment, contributing to lack of power resources for human life. To conclude, despite the negative consequences we might know through medias, I believe its positive effects are still out-weight negatives. People has also a tendency to enjoy shopping in large departments stores in which equipped by air conditioner, roof to avoid hot and sunny weather.
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "Accompanying by".
Accompanying with
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
worldwide, a growing number of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
mall and supermarket are expanding
dramatically
few decades ago. This tendency draw back not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
returns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects to inhabitant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
at all aspects.

Debating about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
perspectives of this trend, it could be inclusive how beneficial the development of department and convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
bring to its nation such as more employments
are created
, increasing tax collection, contributing to GDP growing.
Additionally
, more concentrated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
is
extremely
convenient without a need to looking for in each local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
, saving times for swamping person
Possible spelling mistake found.
alway
go home late at night.
On top of that
, membership
is run
by those retailer owners to encourage to
Did you mean "shop"?
shopping
more frequent. Customers are likely offered with weekly discount
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
as well
as accumulate points to deduct
directly
in their membership card.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
development of those
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernise' is British English.
modernise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
are
also
leading to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considerable impacts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who business a local shop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compete
intensely
with
Possible spelling mistake. 'centralise' is British English.
centralise
systematic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in a chain,
unfairly
, they could not win the competition and lose income
gradually
.
Moreover
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are built
in courtyard where is a bit far away from
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
to guarantee in which they can be selling
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'diversify' is correct. If 'diversify' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a diversify
of categories and warehouse
sufficiently
for storage. Meaning, a multitude of trees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be cultivated
for building. Operation such large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
like that
also
consume an enormous amount of electronic and water which are friendly with environment, contributing to lack of power resources for human life.

To conclude
, despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences we might know through medias, I believe its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects are
still
out-weight negatives.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
also
a tendency to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in large departments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
in which equipped by air conditioner, roof to avoid hot and sunny weather.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Today large shopping centers and supermarkets are more common than small local shops. Is this a negative or positive development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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