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Some people think young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc to serve society Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.6

Some people think young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc to serve society 6
The issue of development of young people, in this day and age, has triggered a new round of heated debate. Some people argue that young people should have further education, whereas others believe that having a career as a junior worker should be chosen by young. Personally, I totally agree with the former view. Hardly can anyone deny the fact that further education provides more opportunities to the young in the future. In the first place, young people can learn professional knowledge systematically in university. For example, doctors should have professional knowledge to care patients and do surgery. Is there anyone will agree with having medicine giving by a doctor who do not have license? Of course, the answer is no. In the second place, corporations prefer their staff having higher education. It is the developed process of the society. A bachelor degree student will have more difficult to find a favorable job today if his or her competitor has a master degree. Considerable though the advantages of having higher education are, there are still some negative views. On the one hand, works like car mechanics or builders will provide chance for young people to gain money in their early age. Nowadays, the cost of living has jumped steadily. Working in an early age will help the young more independent. On the other hand, the practical experience is the best teacher for young people. For example, builders will not build a fantastic building if he just knows the basic theoretical knowledge from textbooks. Not every problem you meet in the work will have answer in the book. What the textbook can give us are the introduction of professional knowledge and the basic method of solving problem, not the real answer in full detail. In conclusion, gaining money is a vital pursuit in our lives, however having professional education will give us more bright future.
The issue of development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, in this day and age, has triggered a new round of heated debate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, whereas others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a career as a junior worker should
be chosen
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
.
Personally
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view.

Hardly can anyone deny the fact that
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
provides more opportunities to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
in the future. In the
first
place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
systematically
in university.
For example
, doctors should have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
to care patients and do surgery. Is there anyone will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
medicine giving by a doctor who do not have license?
Of course
, the answer is no. In the second place, corporations prefer their staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. It is the developed process of the society. A bachelor degree student will have more difficult to find a favorable job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
competitor has a master degree.

Considerable though the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are, there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
views. On the one hand, works like car mechanics or builders will provide chance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gain money in their early age. Nowadays, the cost of living has jumped
steadily
. Working in an early age will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
more independent.
On the other hand
, the practical experience is the best teacher for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, builders will not build a fantastic building if he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
knows the basic theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
from textbooks. Not every problem you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
in the work will have answer in the book. What the textbook can give us are the introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and the basic method of solving problem, not the real answer in full detail.

In conclusion
, gaining money is a vital pursuit in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will give us more bright future.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should be encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc to serve society 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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