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: Today it has become easier to prepare the food. How far has this changed our lives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience v.1

: Today it has become easier to prepare the food. How far has this changed our lives? 1
Although some people argue that aged workers are more productive to an organization, other individuals think younger employees are more efficient. In my opinion, I believe it is not the age that decides whether an employee is useful or not useful, but the nature of the occupation chooses to. On the one hand, it is commonly believed that older employees are more productive. This thought among the people is primarily because of the experience they possess. In other words, when it comes to a point where an organization has to make some critical decisions, then the role of an experienced person is very crucial. In addition to the experience, they have excellent leadership skills. This leadership skill grows when someone has more worked for so long, and this talent is essential for team coordination. On the other hand, there are some thoughts that young workers are more competitive. The main reason for this thinking is their capability of innovative thinking. As most of the young employees directly come out of college, the way they approach some ideas is entirely different. Another point is, the freshers are equipped with an advanced skill set, which is a much-needed factor for any company to compete with others. Finally, in my opinion, age should not be considered when it comes to talk about efficiency. At the same time, the nature of the job that dictates what type of persons ought employed. For example, Information technology is a field where one can witness a rapid change in technology day by day. So, such type of industry needs freshers whereas, in the space industry, experience matters a lot when compared to beginners. In conclusion, while people may vary in their argument, but I think that age is not the factor to determine an employee is productive or not whereas it is the characteristic of a job that decides it.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that aged workers are more productive to an organization, other individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are more efficient. In my opinion, I believe it is not the age that decides whether an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is useful or not useful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the nature of the occupation chooses to.

On the one hand, it is
commonly
believed that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are more productive. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
primarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the experience they possess.
In other words
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to a point where an organization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critical decisions, then the role of an experienced person is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial.
In addition
to the experience, they have excellent leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
grows when someone has more worked for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
long, and this talent is essential for team coordination.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
thoughts that young workers are more competitive. The main reason for this thinking is their capability of innovative thinking. As most of the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of college, the way they approach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
is
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. Another point is, the freshers
are equipped
with an advanced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set, which is a much-needed factor for any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to compete with others.

Finally
, in my opinion, age should not
be considered
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to talk about efficiency. At the same time, the nature of the job that dictates what type of persons ought employed.
For example
, Information technology is a field where one can witness a rapid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in technology day by day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, such type of industry needs freshers whereas, in the space industry, experience matters a lot when compared to beginners.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their argument,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that age is not the factor to determine an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is productive or not whereas it is the characteristic of a job that decides it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay : Today it has become easier to prepare the food. How far has this changed our lives? 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
313 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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