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Today, fewer elderly people live with their children than in the past. Do u think this is a positive or a negative development? v.1

Today, fewer elderly people live with their children than in the past. Do u think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 1
There is no doubt that children should be taught to be a responsible member of a society. While some believe that it should be the responsibility of the school to teach such traits, I firmly believe that parents should be taking the initiative to teach them these characteristics. On the one hand, people who believe educational institutions should help a child in growing might argue that teachers have a great influence in a child’s life, and hence, they tend to follow and listen them more. For instance, most children learn good habits such as being regular in completing assignments and being punctual for school. If teachers do not teach such crucial life lessons, it will be difficult for children to cope with life in the future. On the other hand, I believe that as parents spend more time with the minor, they can monitor their various activities more aptly. For example, a mother can find out about their wrong habit of smoking more easily than their teacher. If parents stop keeping an eye on their children, they can easily fall for wrong activities and things. Therefore, parents should follow some pragmatic approach to deal with the situations. In conclusion, though some people opine that schools should be given the responsibility to incorporate good traits in the minors as a teacher can largely influence them, I strongly believe that parents should take this responsibility as they are more accessible to the child and can easily catch any unusual change in their behaviour.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
to be a responsible member of a society. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it should be the responsibility of the school to teach such traits, I
firmly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be taking the initiative to teach them these characteristics.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
educational institutions should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a child in growing might argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have a great influence in a child’s life, and
hence
, they tend to follow and listen them more.
For instance
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits such as being regular in completing assignments and being punctual for school. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
do not teach such crucial life lessons, it will be difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to cope with life in the future.

On the other hand
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend more time with the minor, they can monitor their various activities more
aptly
.
For example
, a mother can find out about their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
habit of smoking more
easily
than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
keeping an eye on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they can
easily
fall for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
activities and things.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pragmatic approach to deal with the situations.

In conclusion
, though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that schools should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the responsibility to incorporate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
traits in the minors as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
can
largely
influence them, I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take this responsibility as they are more accessible to the child and can
easily
catch any unusual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Today, fewer elderly people live with their children than in the past. Do u think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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