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Some people think that watching sports in one’s free time is just waste of time. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

Some people think that watching sports in one’s free time is just waste of time. v. 2
Many people agree with the families are being further than in the past. This change likely is happening due to we live in a society more individualistic and because the work occupies a large time of our life. Nevertheless, some communities considered that it is relevant keep a strong bond with loved ones, which could exist if the people visit often psychologist and whether the government would create more holiday dedicate to this institution. Thus, I believe that in the current era is common don’t have a strong link with our parents or siblings, because in general we don’t find help in their when we have some problems or vice versa, and this cause a weak relationship. Also, the actual lifestyle tells us that our time only is focused on the work. For example, when I worked as a journalist in a newspaper, many times I could not be present in important dates. Nevertheless, I think that we have a faint relationship with our loved ones give as a result, several psychological problems, for this reason is of vital importance that our contact with the family be healthy. In my opinion, the society should give leadership to health mental, due to this will allow sharing with our primary social group without rage. Besides, I believe that the State should incentive to have a strong unión, although national parties with this institution, which is the most important for the society accord the Constitution. In conclusion, it is widely accepted that families are further than the last epoch. This situation is occurring for the rhythm of life in our current world. However, it’s relevant have a better contact with our dear ones, because as like as not they will be who are with us in our birth and in our funeral.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the families are being
further
than in the past. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
likely is happening due to we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a society more individualistic and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the work occupies a large time of our life.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
communities considered that it is relevant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a strong bond with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, which could exist if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
psychologist and whether the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would create more holiday dedicate to this institution.

Thus
, I believe that in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
era is common don’t have a strong link with our parents or siblings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in general
we don’t find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in their when we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems or vice versa, and this cause a weak relationship.
Also
, the actual lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
us that our time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is focused
on the work.
For example
, when I worked as a journalist in a newspaper,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times I could not be present in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
dates.

Nevertheless
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we have a faint relationship with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
give
as a result
, several psychological problems,
for this reason
is of vital importance that our contact with the family be healthy. In my opinion, the society should give leadership to health mental, due to this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
sharing with our primary social group without rage.
Besides
, I believe that the State should incentive to have a strong
Possible spelling mistake found.
unión
, although national parties with this institution, which is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the society accord the Constitution.

In conclusion
, it is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that families are
further
than the last epoch. This situation is occurring for the rhythm of life in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world.
However
, it’s relevant have a better contact with our dear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as like as not they will be who are with us in our birth and in our funeral.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that watching sports in one’s free time is just waste of time. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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